All's Fair
by Sputz
Summary: Bored with post-Voldemort life, Harry and Draco begin a very interesting game... Slashy fun!
1. The Trouble With 'Romantic Moments'

**Disclaimer: I own neither characters nor castle. Don't sue me!**

On a point of interest, I must remind everyone that THIS WILL BE A SLASH FIC. If you don't like it, press that little back button! You have been warned. Flames about the subject matter will be used to toast marshmellows. 

* * *

**Chapter One- The Trouble with 'Romantic Moments'**

_I wonder what they will do if I throw this book at them?_

Harry was musing over the possible ways that he could disrupt the blissful happiness that was Ron and Hermione.

_If I throw the book, Ron will probably have an allergic reaction to any intelligent words in it, and Hermione will be unable to resist the allure of more knowledge._

_And they will try to kill me as soon as they realise who threw it. _

Harry did not exactly have a problem with the blissful coupley happiness of his two best friends. He thought it was wonderful that Ron had finally removed his head from his ass and asked Hermione out.

It was just that everything was so boring.

When Voldemort had been around, Harry had been an angsty wreck, and had needed people around him constantly to look after him and make everything better.

And then the Dark Lord had managed to actually kill himself. Nobody had even been hurt in the process (not, Harry added to himself, that he had wanted anyone to get hurt).

It had been possibly the most ridiculous victory in wizarding history.

* * *

**Flashback**

"Potter, we meet again," hissed the voice from Harry's worst nightmare.

Voldemort stood, swirled his long robes in what he assumed to be a very threatening way, and moved towards Harry, his wand outstretched.

The most evil wizard in history then tripped on the hem of his robe. As he flew yelping with shock towards Harry, the boy in turn jumped back, dropping his wand in the process.

Harry had looked down a moment later to find the wizard impaled on his wand, glowing a strange blue colour.

"Potter," the wizard had rasped, "you have to do something about this. This is just too pathetic to-" and then exploded.

The saviour of the wizarding world had looked around to find the Death Eaters looking at him in complete disbelief.

"Uh," he had started. "You should all be warned, I'm a... a very _dangerous _wizard and I'll _hurt _you if you don't take yourself to the Ministry right now and hand yourselves in."

Unable to think of anything better to do, Harry had proceeded to nod and smile encouragingly at them.

The Death Eaters had paused for a moment, still completely confused, then shrugged and apparated.

**End flashback**

* * *

Looking back on the memory of the defeat of the man, Harry decided that it was almost disappointing. 

On the other hand, it was a rather interesting memory to look back on while Ron and Hermione were occupied in one of their numerous 'romantic moments'.

Harry hefted the book in his hands. _Not a bad weight, _he mused, _but can I really bothered to interrupt them? Besides, Ron can't really afford to lose any more brain cells._

Finally giving up, he eventually decided that the whole throwing-book-at-best-friends thing was a waste of time.

He lobbed the book at Crookshanks instead, then fled the Gryffindor common room as the cat and Hermione began to yowl at him in excruciating harmony.

Half way down the corridor, Harry realised that he truly did have no idea at all where he was going.

The library was not a good place to head; Pince would seek him out and pickle his ears simply because she did not like him for some strange reason.

He could go to the owlery and see Hedwig. Yes. That was a good idea. Hedwig.

Harry arrived in the owlery. Hedwig was there- and she was not pleased to see him.

As she and the owl that she was having her own version of a 'romantic moment' with flew over his head and away, she hooted at him indignantly.

Harry felt something wet trickle down the back of his neck.

Muttering angrily about birds, friends and 'romantic bloody moments', Harry performed a cleaning charm that he had learnt from Molly Weasley when preparing for the war ("Nothing lowers morale like bloodstains on your robes.") and stormed out of the owlery.

As he headed out towards the grounds to sit in the rain so that he could appear suitably upset and show everyone how deeply unhappy with life he was, he turned around a corner and collided with the one person in the world that he would_ not_ have been happy to see.

"Aww, is ickle Potty having a temper tantrum?"

Harry turned to glare at a very smug looking Draco Malfoy.

"Yes," he said shortly. "I am having a temper tantrum. I am a powerful wizard with a wand having a temper tantrum. Bugger off before I curse you."

Malfoy looked shocked for a moment. It was obviously not the response that he had been expecting.

"Where are Granger and Weasel? Have they left you all on your lonesome? Poor ickle Potty."

Harry turned to frown at his blond nemesis.

"Is that the best you can do?" he asked.

He hadn't even meant to mock the boy. The insults were just not up to their normal standard.

"Best I can do?" spluttered Malfoy indignantly. "I can do _much_ better than that, you... you... _ugly person!_"

Realising what he had just said, the youth proceeded to put his head in his hands.

"Face it, Malfoy," said Harry almost kindly, "it's seventh year and you are out of insults."

"I know," moaned boy through his fingers. "It's just not worth it any more."

"Not worth it any more?" asked Harry.

"The war is over, and I'm bored. My evilness is decreasing, but that doesn't matter because now everyone has decided that they don't like it anyway! I have nothing to do," whined Malfoy, before removing his hands from his face and looking at Harry in shock.

"Malfoy," said he black haired boy softly, "did you just _confide_ in me?"

"I- I think so."

There was a loaded silence as both boys contemplated the awful state of the world nowadays.

"We have to do something about this," said Harry finally.

"Yes, this isn't healthy."

There was another silence as they realised that they had agreed with each other.

"We- uh," Harry looked at Malfoy for a moment. Then he made what he came to call _The Decision_. "Malfoy, I hereby declare war on you."

Malfoy looked confused for a moment.

"Why?"

"Because I'm bored and I feel like it and I don't want to agree with you again."

"But if you don't want me to agree with you, how can I agree to starting the war?"

It was Harry's turn to look confused.

Suddenly, Malfoy grinned and whipped out his wand. Before Harry had time to react, he called, "_Engorgio!_"

As Harry's nose swelled up and sagged down to cover his mouth, Malfoy gave the shocked boy a huge grin and ran off down the corridor.

Harry lifted his still growing nose so that he was able to talk, and shrieked, "Malfoy! You will pay for that!"

As he turned and made his way slowly to the infirmary for his first of what were to be many visits to Madam Pomfrey, he heard a muffled call echoing through the corridors.

"That was the idea!"

Harry continued to walk, his wide smile showing even past his nose.

* * *

I know this is a short chapter, but nyah. They will get longer. 

_This is my first slash, and I thrive on reviews! If you want fast updates, you know what to do!_


	2. Sing a Merry Song

**Disclaimer: I own nothing- I just take it out to play ; )**

This fic _will_ have slash. If you don't like it, its time to become friends with the BACK button. Actually, if you got this far and didn't notice, you will need to click back twice. Ahem, rambling here. 

* * *

**Chapter Two- Sing a Merry Song **

The next morning, Harry was allowed to leave the infirmary and go to the Great Hall for breakfast before heading upstairs to get his bag and prepare for classes.

He walked down the stairs, rubbing his now normal-sized nose thoughtfully, his mind whirling with plans.

Harry arrived in the Great Hall, strode confidently towards Ron and Hermione, and sat down next to them.

"Don't worry about me, guys, I'm fine."

"Why would we have been worrying about you?"

Harry looked at Ron in shock.

"Well, I didn't come back to the common room last night. Anything could have happened to me!"

"But," said Hermione, "you just told us it didn't."

"But it _could _have. Weren't you worried at all?"

"Not really. You defeated the Dark Lord, why should we worry about you?"

Harry's mouth was opening and closing, but no sound was coming out.

"And you threw a book at my cat," added Hermione.

Harry gaped. He could have been _dying_ out in the halls, but they had not cared a bit.

"Ron," he whined, "you would have let me die cold and alone because I threw a book at Crookshanks?"

Ron shrugged.

"But you _hate_ Crookshanks!"

Immediately, a sweet and really rather sickening expression appeared on Ron's face.

"I don't care, really. Crookshanks is _Hermione's _cat, and..."

"No, please, Ron," begged Harry immediately. "Stop now. Just stop."

Ron then had the nerve to look offended!

"You know what, Harry?" he started, frowning, "I don't know you any more. After you defeated He Who Shall Not Be Named, you have got so conceited."

The red haired youth then had the nerve to turn away from him.

Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to tell him that _he_ was not the one that had changed.

Eventually, after realising that all he was capable of saying was, "Squeak! Meep! Erk!" and thatthese noises were making him get a few very funny looks, Harry sighed gustily and stormed out.

Harry slammed the wooden doors of the hall in an attempt to make himself heard.

Apart from a very nervous first year Hufflepuff who promptly fainted in shock upon hearing the 'loud, scary noise', nobody appeared to notice.

* * *

Care of Magical Creatures was one of Harry's favourite classes. Hagrid was the only person (well, sort of person) that had not changed a single bit since the war. He was as friendly, hairy and oblivious to danger as ever. 

Unfortunately, this did not help Harry, because he was in Potions.

Hermione had always told Harry and Ron that once the war was over (and provided the man did not sacrifice himself nobly for the greater good), Severus Snape was going to become a lot nicer.

She said that the whole 'I-hate-everyone-especially-nice-and-happy-people' thing was just an act to make sure Voldemort did not suspect anything.

Ron and Harry had decided that the girl was just attempting to justify a schoolgirl crush.

Either way, she was proven wrong. It appeared that Snape really was a mean and evil git that enjoyed making people's lives a misery.

The 'act' was that he hated Slytherins too.

As a result, Potions was nobody's favourite class any more.

A rumour flying around the school was that Snape was trying to take away every single house pointed earned this year. It was definitely true that the number of points in the hourglasses were significantly lower than normal, even at this fairly early stage of the year.

"Good morning, class," drawled the only man whose nose size could have rivalled that of Harry's the previous night.

There was immediately complete silence in the classroom.

It smelt like somebody (probably Neville, who Snape allowed into the class simply so that he could torment him) had lost control of certain bodily functions.

"This year," continued the man, "I am going to be pairing each of you up with the person that you dislike the most so that you will all be miserable. If any of you look remotely happy with your situation, or are not feeling irresistible urges to kill one another, I will _happily _change your partner."

The class was silent.

Snape smiled evilly.

"Now, then. The partners are Granger and Parkinson, Weasley and Zabini, Potter and Malfoy, Brown and Goyle, Patil and Crabbe, Longbottom and Nott..."

As Snape continued to list the incompatible pairs, Harry had to bite his tongue to stop himself smiling.

After all, if Snape switched Malfoy with someone, then he would not be able to make the most of this brilliant opportunity.

Sneaking a quick glance at Malfoy, Harry noticed that the boy had a faraway look that indicated that he was not the only one engaged in some plotting.

Harry started when grey eyes swivelled in their sockets to meet his own.

Malfoy smirked.

"Take your seats now. Come on Malfoy, stop making eyes at Potter. Have I made a mistake withyour'incompatible' pairing? Good. Now hurry up."

Draco scowled at his ex-favourite teacher, and put his stuff down on the bench next to Harry's.

"Today we are going to be making vanishing potion- no Granger this is not on the syllabus it is a very difficult potion that I do not expect any of you to successfully brew yes I did only choose it because it is potentially harmful if it goes wrong yes that was exactly what I intended now stop staring and start brewing," said Snape very quickly in one long sentence.

The class stood looking at their teacher in shock. Hermione put down her hand slowly, frowning so deeply that her face fell into shadows.

As everyone took out the ingredients and started to brew the potion, Snape moved around the room, looking over people's shoulders and doing his utmost to distract them so that they would make mistakes.

Harry and Draco carefully added ingredients to the potion.

Apart from the odd attempt to shove the slimier ingredients down the back of the other boy's robes, they were generally working quite well together.

At the end of the lesson, most people had finished their potions. Very few, however, had made anything that looked even vaguely like a vanishing potion.

Neville was working frantically on the potion, as Nott looked worriedly on. The only time when anyone was really frightened of Neville was when he was in possession of potions ingredients; anything could and normally did go wrong, endangering everyone in the area.

Snape walked slowly to the front of the classroom and leant on his desk.

"Longbottom," he drawled, "add a handful of gillyweed to the potion. That should complete it."

Neville, forgetting that Snape meant him only harm and therefore trusting the man, immediately added the named ingredients.

The cauldron immediately exploded, showing half of the class with burning black blobs.

Above the screams of pain, Snape called, "Longbottom appears to have botched his potion yet again. Anyone affected can go to the infirmary."

The entire class immediately stormed out of the room, injured or not.

Harry paused at the door of the classroom, looking at the uninjured Malfoy that was leaning casually on the wall only metres away from him.

Drawing out his wand, he slowly snuck up behind him.

"Potter, I know you're there."

Harry froze.

Malfoy turned around, pointing his wand at Harry.

Harry, however, was faster.

"_Carmen hilaris!_"

Malfoy immediately opened his mouth to ask what on earth Harry had done to him.

"I feel pretty,  
Oh, so pretty,  
I feel pretty and witty and bright!  
And I pity  
Any girl who isn't me tonight.

I feel charming,  
Oh, so charming  
It's alarming how charming I feel!  
And so pretty  
That I hardly can believe I'm real."

Harry was interested to note that Malfoy had an extremely good singing voice.

"It's the cheerful tune charm, Malfoy! Well, I must be off now. It will wear off soon, I'm sure."

Harry turned to run off, not at all worried about Malfoy cursing him.

Draco raised his wand, ready to perform the most humiliating hex that he could remember.

"See the pretty girl in that mirror there:  
Who can that attractive girl be?  
Such a pretty face,  
Such a pretty dress,  
Such a pretty smile,  
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning  
And entrancing,  
Feel like running and dancing for joy,  
For I'm loved  
By a pretty wonderful boy!"

Finally managing to close his mouth, Draco began to hit his head against the wall of the dungeon. He then stormed back to the Slytherin common room, muttering angrily about the injustice of the world and people in it with faster reactions than him.

* * *

Lyrics from 'I Feel Pretty' in West Side Story! 

I'm amazed at the number of reviews I got for this! I love you guys (especially your reaction to the death scene)! Thanks to **Aine** (its Harry and Draco. They're GORGEOUS!), **California Smells Funny** (love the name- although I can't say I noticed it while I was there), **Alea, kdalemama, jelly-bean5** (thanks! Of course its unrealistic. I don't bother writing things that are realistic!), **TERRY MAXWELL, Piper13, Squashes** (I said I wouldn't put slash in GotDL I think, and I just HAD to write this), **Ecovyen, ConstantVigilence Velvet** (spoils. You know, I never thought of that. Can I use it? Pwease?) and **White Wolf CS**.


	3. Sniggle Sniggle Sniggle

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I just like to play with it!**

Warning- this fic will be a slash fic! No likey? Then meet our little friend the back button!

* * *

**Chapter Three- Sniggle Sniggle Sniggle**

"Potter," growled Draco, "I am _very angry _with you."

"I'm quivering in fear, Malferret," grinned Harry.

"Listen- after singing to you about being pretty, I then informed the entire common room to whistle while they work! If that wasn't bad enough, I then gave the Great Hall a rendition of a song that just goes 'why can't we be friends?' over and over! I don't even know where they're from!"

"And?"

"And!"

"I fail to see the problem, Malfoy. You were injecting a little brightness into everyone's lives."

Draco sighed. "Yes, that's what Dumbledore said when I gave him my note begging him to take the spell off."

"Heh, heh, evil sniggle."

There was a pause.

"Potter, what the _hell_ is a sniggle?"

"It's not a giggle, because I'm far too many to giggle, and not a snigger. And don't say 'hell'."

"How the... how did you make that up?"

"I just did."

Malfoy frowned.

"And how do you _use_ a word like that?"

"Like I just did. You can also just say 'sniggle sniggle sniggle'."

"I can't believe I'm having this conversation."

"Believe what you like. Besides, you started it."

There was a pause.

"I did?" Malfoy asked.

"Yes, you slammed me against the wall outside the Great Hall –and you still haven't released me, in case you haven't noticed- and started telling me about your sniggleworthy antics."

"Sniggleworthy- no, don't worry, I don't need an explanation. Just go," said Draco, feeling a little foolish and rather out of his depth. He could hold his own in a battle of wits- but understanding Potter's new found insanity was something quite different.

"Potter," he asked a moment later, "why are you still here?"

"You still have me backed up against the wall."

Draco looked down at the black haired boy, who did not appear to have any problem with his current back-against-the-wall situation at all. In fact, he seemed completely comfortable and at ease.

"Still against the wall here, Malfoy."

"Oh, yes, er." Draco stepped back. "Off you go."

As Harry began to walk away, Draco was sure that there was something that he was meant to be doing.

He remembered.

"_Quercus crures!_"

Harry immediately stopped. Well, his legs stopped at least. The rest of his body tried to keep moving, but was stopped by feet that were rooted to the floor- quite literally.

"Malfoy, what was that?"

"It appears that your feet are having an identity crisis. They think they're trees. Oh well, I'm sure you can fix it."

Draco turned to walk away. He stopped, and turned again.

"Potter."

"What, Malfoy? I'm rather- busy, you could say."

"Sniggle sniggle sniggle."

Draco turned and made his way back to the Slytherin common room.

* * *

"'Arry, why are yer so late fer class?"

"Draco was helping me get in touch with nature."

"Draco?"

"Uh, Malfoy."

"Nature?"

"He found a spell that made my feet take root."

"Er, right. Well 'e's the only one didn't get a partner, so you'll 'ave to work with 'im today."

"Great."

"Sorry."

Harry reluctantly moved to stand next to Draco, who was grinning at him in a rather disturbing way.

Possibly the strangest thing was that Malfoys don't grin.

"Why are you looking so happy, Malfoy?"

"You tell me."

Harry thought for a moment.

"You're really happy to see me."

"_What?_"

"Fine, you're not. I just love the way you look when you're confused."

"Excuse me?"

"What?" asked Harry absently.

"You 'love the way I look'?"

"You twisted that," said Harry accusingly.

"I'm a Malfoy. Anyway, explain."

Draco decided that Harry was looking distinctly panicked.

_I love the way he looks when he's panicking. _

_No! Nonononono! _Bad _Draco. Stop thinking now!_

Draco felt his mind go pleasantly blank.

Harry watched with interest as Draco's face twisted, then went completely still and blank. _Interesting._

He debated asking what exactly was going on inside the other boy's brain, but then decided that he should probably start listening to what Hagrid was telling the class about looking after a Hippocampus.

It figured thatfor some reason one of them should know what to do with a herd of aquatic horses.

* * *

Harry sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, flicking the leftover crumbs from his roll at Ron.

Ron either had not noticed, or was ignoring him.

That was not the idea of the exercise.

Harry picked up his glass of pumpkin juice, and slowly, deliberately, poured it over the freckled boy's head.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?"

"I think its quite obvious," said Harry, finishing pouring the juice and debating whether to add anything else to it. He was just reaching for some baby field potatoes when Ron caught his hand.

"What is _wrong_ with you, Harry?"

"I don't know for sure, but I think my ennui at the denouement of my mortal enemy induced has been transmuted into vacillating energy that I am discharging by means of embroilment."

"Hermione," whined Ron immediately, "he's using long words and I don't like them."

"Harry," Hermione immediately scolded, "you know what happens to Ron if you use words with more than two syllables."

"I know, I do."

"Why did you do it?"

"I was explaining my condition. And I felt like it."

"I didn't know you _knew_ some of those words."

"People are full of surprises."

"Hermione," interrupted Ron, "what _was_ Harry saying."

"He's bored, so has decided to piss about."

"That was it?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

Hermione and Ron then proceeded to go back to their meals, completely ignoring Harry.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

They looked up at him questioningly.

"I was just- oh, never mind."

Harry filled up his plate, picked it up, and stood. He walked purposefully towards the Slytherin table.

When he had reached Draco's seat, he poured the contents of the plate over his head.

"Potter! What on earth do you think you're doing?"

"You know, Ron just said that."

Draco spluttered a bit. "Potter!"

"What? I chose cold food, so its not like it hurt or anything."

"You poured food all over me! I just washed my hair!"

"Oops," said Harry cheerfully.

"Why food? What was wrong with a hex?"

"I just realised that I hadn't had a decent food fight in years."

Draco sat and thought for a moment.

"Okay."

He then proceeded to dump the contents of his own plate down the front of Harry's robes.

Harry grinned, and reached for the mashed potato.

"Potter! Malfoy! What on earth do you think you're doing?"

"Third time in five minutes," muttered Harry, drawing a grin from Draco.

"Detention for both of you! And five points apiece from your houses. Now go and change."

Harry and Draco strolled out of the hall.

"Why only five points?"

"No idea. Don't complain."

"Fair enough." Draco paused. "Are we talking to each other?"

"I guess."

"But we still hate each other, right? We're just talking. And engaging in a strictly unfriendly war. Nothing companionable."

"If you say so."

Draco grabbed Harry's arm and stopped him walking.

"What do _you_ say about it?"

"I don't really care."

"If you don't care, why are you doing this whole thing?"

Harry thought for a minute. Why _was_ he doing it?

_Because I'm bored,_ he decided finally. _And because Draco looks so cute even if he has peas in his hair ARGH! No!_

Openly, Harry shrugged. "Why are _you_?"

Draco frowned. A moment later, Harry noticed that he had schooled his face into the same blank expression that he had been wearing in Care of Magical Creatures.

_I wonder what he's stopping himself thinking about?_

"Potter, we need to go shower together, no, not together, what a funny thing for me to say, I have no idea where it came from, I have to go shower, cold shower, very cold, bye!"

Harry was a little surprised as Draco suddenly broke his silence, delivered the speech at extremely high speed, then ran off.

_Did he just say something about showering together?_

Shaking his head in an attempt to clear it, Harry turned and hurried towards the Gryffindor common room.

* * *

If you didn't get what the songs were, then they were 'Whistle While You Work' from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (duh- I know my Disney! If you don't, go revise it with a little cousin/sibling/immature friend) and 'Why Can't We Be Friends' by War.

The 'sniggle' is an invention of mine. I had to use it somewhere. Thus the beginning 500 words of complete insanity. But hey, it was fun to write. Okay- update. Apparently, a sniggle is something to do with fishing. I don't care. My sniggle is better.

I can't believe that I just wrote 'My sniggle is better'. Bizarre.

I also am not sure if Harry's long wordy sentence makes sense- I just had fun with synonyms, ignoring what they actually mean.

Thanks to **embry81788, Squashes, LadyRaven13, yeoldecrazy1, Cavaradossi, Micky, lyres, Draeconin** (I know Sev is insane- but I made him too nice in my other fic, so had to balance him out. Plus my mad Sev is so much fun to write....), **California Smells Funny** (ah, but it has been in my head for years. Nyah. No, I will not get into petty arguments with lovely reviewers. I'm sorry for using the idea! Great minds and all that...), **ConstantVigilence Velvet** (it wasn't the phrase- it was the amazing by my standards idea that it gave me! Thanks for the inspiration!),** SeparatriX** twice! (roaring with laughter? –blushes-)


	4. Do Snake Tongues Cause Hallucinations?

**Disclaimer: the usual. I would love to own everything, but I don't. That's all I can say.**

If anyone hasn't noticed that this will be a slash yet, then they would have to be REALLY stupid. No offence to stupid readers. 

* * *

**Chapter Four- Do Snake Tongues Cause Hallucinations?**

Harry was eating breakfast in the Great Hall with Ron and Hermione. They appeared to have forgotten the problems of the last few days, and were on as good terms as they could be.

Meaning that Ron and Hermione were as talkative as two people who appear to be attached at the lips _can_ be.

Harry was occupying himself by thinking about Draco.

_No, _he told himself a moment later. _I'm not actually thinking about Draco. No, wait. I'm not actually thinking about _Malfoy_. I'm thinking about how I can cause D_-Malfoy_ a lot of pain and embarrassment. _

_Yep yep, that's it. Definitely._

Harry then stared blankly at Ron and Hermione, then at Snape, then at the Hufflepuff first year that had fainted (and who fainted again when she saw him watching) and then at Draco.

Draco stared back, and smiled at him in a very disturbing manner.

Harry then proceeded to try and bang his head on the table.

He missed the table, and instead shoved his head in his plate of food.

As Draco, who had been watching Harry from across the room, began to snigger, Harry stood. Wiping scrambled eggs off his forehead, he glared at Ron and Hermione (who did not notice), Snape (who laughed), the Hufflepuff first year (who fainted again) and Draco (who gave him a little wave).

He then stormed out of the Great Hall, trying to make as much of a scene as possible.

For the second time, nobody noticed.

Well, Draco noticed.

_I wonder what Harry would say if I ran after him and offered to lick off the egg- no, wash off the egg for him. _

_In a strictly non-licky way. _

_Just the normal bath way. _

_Harry in the bath. _

_No, not Harry. Potter. Potter in the bath. _

_Yes, I can lick the egg off _Potter_'s face in the bath. _

_No! No baths, Potter or licking!_

A moment later, Draco became the second person to storm out of the Great Hall that morning after their forehead had come into contact with their breakfast.

* * *

Harry and Draco were standing in the dungeons, waiting for Snape to put in an appearance. 

Instead of having detention with McGonagall, the woman had decided that she did not have time to find a task for them. Apparently, she and Dumbledore had 'business' to discuss... in Madam Puddifoot's.

So the two boys were directed to the dungeons, where they were left to await their potions master's arrival with just each other and some _very_ unpleasant mental images.

Snape swooped into the classroom.

Draco wondered how he managed to swoop so impressively. Maybe there was a charm that he used on his robes.

"Malfoy, Potter. You will be working in the store cupboard, grinding dried snakes' tongues."

"Why the store cupboard, professor?"

"Because it is small, so you are more likely to have accidents, hurt each other, become annoyed and murder each other. There will be just enough room for both of you to crouch down there, I believe."

There was silence.

"Here are the pestles and mortars that you will be using. Note the very large, heavy stone pestles. Extremely good objects to hit other people with.... like each other." Snape paused. "I expect that I have given you ideas."

Draco and Harry were very disturbed by the hopeful expression on their teacher's face.

"I will lock you in there for five hours. You should have finished grinding the tongues in two, giving ample time for you to kill each other in afterwards. Have a good detention."

Snape then _Accioed_ their wands, shoved them into the cupboard, threw in the pestles, mortars and barrels of tongues, then locked the door.

Draco and Harry looked at each other.

"I think," said Harry slowly, "he was sniggling as he left the dungeon."

"Yes," said Draco.

The looked each other concernedly, then got to work.

* * *

Nearly two hours later, Draco was realising that Snape's prediction was going to be correct. He was going to have to spend three hours alone with Potter with nothing to do. 

Draco looked into the barrels that the tongues had been in. There were about a dozen left at the bottom of the smallest barrel.

Very slowly, he reached in and selected a single tongue. He carefully placed it in the middle of the mortar, then brought the pestle down on it as precisely as possible.

He examined the remains of the tongue.

It was slightly off centre.

Draco used the end of the pestle to nudge the mush back into the centre, and brought the pestle down again.

Noticing that there was now a red mess all over the mortar, he compressed it into a cube with the end of the pestle.

Soon, there was nothing left to do to the tongue. Shaking his head, Draco scraped the mess into the jar that was being used to hold the results of his efforts.

Steeling himself, Draco turned to get another tongue from the barrel.

There were none left.

He looked at Harry to see the boy finish grinding all of the remaining tongues at once, and putting the result in his own jar.

Draco nearly howled with anger.

There was now nothing to distract him. He was going to be locked in a dark, stuffy cupboard for three hours with Harry Potter.

Draco panicked.

Harry looked at the hyperventilating boy concernedly.

"I don't think that Snape wants us to inhale the dried tongues, Malfoy," he said after a moment. "You should hyperventilate in another direction."

Draco's eyes widened. Not only was he hyperventilating, but he was inhaling possibly poisonous substances! What if they made him act strangely? What if he got spots? What if his hair fell out? What if he _did_ something?

He closed his eyes and began to breathe faster and faster, whimpering occasionally.

Something was touching his back, running up and down it slowly. _The hallucinations are starting,_ squeaked Draco's inner voice. _If I open my eyes, there could be dancing rabbits taunting me. Dancing rabbits..._

_I quite like rabbits._

Draco opened his eyes. There were no rabbits. He was mildly disappointed, and closed them again.

But there was still something stroking has back, moving on to his shoulders...

He quickly raised a hand to catch whatever it was that thought that it had the right to touch him.

Draco was a little disconcerted to discover that it was a hand. He grasped it firmly with one of his own, then used the other to follow it to the body of its owner.

Draco was interested to find muscular (but not too muscular) arms. He lingered there for a moment, then carried on to run his hand over a hard torso.

"Malfoy?"

A voice! Who was it?

"What are you doing?"

Draco opened his eyes, and looked into green ones just a few centimetres away from his own. He looked down to see one of his hands resting on Harry's chest, while the other still grasped one of the boy's own.

"Ah, shit."

"Could I ask what exactly you were doing there, Malfoy?"

"Uh, snake tongues. I inhaled them, must have had a strange effect. What were _you_ doing?"

"I thought it would help you relax. Like a massage, or something."

"It gave me a shock."

"It gave you more than just a shock."

_Yes, _Draco realised with an uncomfortable jolt, _it _definitely_ gave me more than just a shock. I need a distraction. Oh, or a horrible thought. Hagrid in drag, Hagrid in drag... Oh thank heavens..._

There was a loaded silence.

"Your hand is still on my chest, Malfoy." Draco flushed very slightly and removed it. "And now let go of my hand, please." He complied again.

There was another silence.

"Potter," said Draco, "I think it's your turn to hex me."

"Yes, it is."

"Are you going to do anything?"

"Not now."

"Why?"

"Because," Harry said slightly condescendingly, "I have to spend the next three hours with you. And I don't have my wand."

"Oh. That should have been obvious. Why wasn't it obvious?"

Harry smiled. "Maybe it's the snake tongues talking."

"Yes, that would be it."

There was yet another uncomfortable silence.

"Aren't we going to fight or argue or anything?" asked Draco eventually.

"If you want to."

"Why are you being so agreeable at the moment?"

"I can't be bothered not to be."

"What?"

"You are certainly not yourself this evening," commented Harry. _No,_ thought Draco, _I certainly am not. I just attempted to feel you up! I would _definitely _not be doing that if I was being myself._ _Absolutely not. _"I simply don't want to argue. It seems pointless."

"Arguing is never pointless. It's almost a hobby! Besides, how can we be at war with each other if we don't argue all the time?"

"We just are. That's all there it to it."

"But that would be pointless. Besides," said Draco, voicing the question that had been plaguing him when he remembered to be plagued by it, "how do we win? Are there spoils?"

"You're the Slytherin, working that out should be _your_ job."

"But I don't know!"

"Well that isn't my fault!"

"Why are you being so annoying?"

"Because you told me to be."

"Oh."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Yes. Will you answer the questions now?"

"No."

"I've had enough of this, I'm going to catch up on my beauty sleep. Wake me when Snape gets back."

Harry watched Draco as he wiggled about for a few moments, then appeared to fall straight to sleep.

_I think,_ thought Harry to himself, _it's called beauty sleep because everyone looks beautiful when they're asleep. _

Then he thought about Ron, and how _he_ looked when he was asleep.

_Okay, not everyone looks beautiful asleep. But Draco –no, Malfoy. Oh fine, I can call him Draco in my head- does. _

_Oh this is getting ridiculous. I'm going to sleep. _

* * *

You liked my sniggle! Yay, you have no idea how happy you make me! 

Hugs to all the people who put me on author alert (you read, even if some don't review!), who put me on favourites (mwah!) and to my reviewers, **California Smells Funny **(poor you on a lousy afternoon), **Warmlight, Aine** (hyper is fun. It's the way I spend most of my life), **yeoldecrazy1, Kate** (eep, someone who is good at English reads this. Now I'm scared...), **LadyIconDraco, harrypotter,move over, Immortal Tears of, FlowerofBlackFire** (damn website getting the words wrong. Pah), **Lady Nicole Malfoy-Potter, Draeconin** (ah, so you understood it! I didn't...), **LadyRaven13**.

_I have noticed that something must have been wrong with the updating thing, since people were not actually reading the latest chap! Well, I suppose that they will get two today!_

**Please review!**


	5. Resistance Is Futile

**Disclaimer: hey, you know what? If you get me Harry or Draco, I will be your slave forever. This means that I DON'T OWN THEM... yet. sniggle sniggle. **

_Ooh looky here! This fic will contain.... SLASH! No likey, no ready! Very simple(y?)! _

* * *

**Chapter Five- Resistance Is Futile**

Harry must have dozed off eventually, because he was woken by Snape throwing open the door to the closet in his normal over-dramatic manner.

"Potter, Malfoy. Are you still capable of speech?"

Draco mumbled sleepily.

"I shall take that as a no. Does that mean," started the teacher with a rather disturbing smile, "that you have wounded each other to a point where your lungs, mouths or voice boxes no longer function?"

"Uh," said Draco, "actually I was just having a nap."

"Did you need to sleep to take your mind off the excruciating pain that you were experiencing?"

"Actually, I was bored. Sir."

"So not hurt in any way?"

"No, sir."

"Not even bruised?"

"No, sir. I'm sorry?"

Snape frowned. "I suppose that you actually did the snake tongues, then?"

"Of course," said Harry, finding his voice. "Professor, could I ask you something?"

"Will it potentially harm people?"

"Uh. Right, um. I was just wondering if snake tongues can cause strange behaviour if inhaled."

Draco looked at him, then the potions master in horror. _Say yes, please say yes..._

"Not that I know of, Potter. They aren't even poisonous. Rather boring, really, but necessary in many potions..."

"Thank you, Professor," said Harry quickly before the man could begin to ramble about ingredients in a manner very similar to that of Hermione.

"Well, since you have done all you need to, you may go. Oh, and ten points from both of your houses for wasting my time with stupid questions."

As Harry and Draco walked quickly out of the room, Draco rounded furiously at Harry. "You got points taken away from Slytherin!" _And you found out that it wasn't the snake tongues that were making me act strangely._

"I was just curious, Malfoy. Do you want to know why?" Harry asked, with a smile that Draco thought was positively evil.

"No, no, it's quite alright."

"Are you sure? Because I have some theories about certain things that could be of some... relevance to you."

"I- what- you- Stop being such an idiot, Potter!"

"I'm not the one that is being an idiot. I gave you the option of furthering your knowledge, and you are completely over-reacting."

Draco stopped and composed himself.

_Draco Malfoy, you are a Slytherin. _

_Okay, so you are pretty sure that he knows that you want him- but that's not too much of a problem is it?_

_Well, he isn't running away screaming. _

_So you can do this whole thing the Slytherin way. If you want him, you can and will have him. _

"Potter," started Draco, pleased that his voice at least sounded confident. "I have been thinking."

"Apparently so, since you spent the last few moments muttering to yourself."

"Wh- Potter, you are _interrupting_ me!"

"Sorry, Malfoy. Carry on."

"I was going to say that I had worked out what we could use as spoils."

"Really?" said Harry overly brightly.

"Don't mock me! You do not mock Malfoys!"

"Okay, sorry Draco."

There was a moment's pause.

"Did you just call me Draco?"

"No."

"Then what-"

"Your ears were deceiving you. Tell me about the spoils thing."

"But I want to-"

"Tell me or I'm leaving!"

"Touchy! As I was trying to say, I had an idea."

Harry was silent, not daring to open his mouth again. Draco got the picture, and, after smirking triumphantly, continued to talk.

"The winner gets to have the loser as his slave for a week."

Harry cleared his throat, then licked his lips. "You do know," he said, slightly huskily in Draco's opinion, "that that could be interpreted as distinctly dodgy."

Draco smiled. "I do indeed."

Harry's eyes widened. "I see. And did you think of a way that I can win?"

"What makes you think that _you_ will be the one winning?"

It was Harry's turn to get a sudden increase of confidence. "Because, Draco," he emphasised the name, "I want to win- and I _always _get what I want."

_What else do you want, Harry?_ Thought Draco. _Well, I can definitely take this opportunity to find out..._

"We're on first name basis, are we?"

"What does it sound like?"

"But I thought that you wanted this to be unfriendly."

"No, Draco, _you_ did. But I can't hear you complaining."

_Oops. That was right. _"Well, you clearly love to call me by my name, so I suppose..."

Draco frowned at the knowing smile that began to appear on Harry's face.

"You're not as stupid as I think you are, are you... Harry?"

"How stupid do you think I am?"

"I'm not even going to answer that."

Harry did not respond to that. Eventually, he said, "So, do you actually know how to win this?"

"I'm not going to tell you that!"

"I don't mean how to win- I mean how to win!"

"Harry, think back to what you just said."

Harry turned it over in his mind.

"Oh. Well, I meant, how am I meant to try and win if I don't know what I am meant to be doing?"

This threw Draco very slightly, because he had been having so much fun imagining what he would make Harry do once he had won that he had not actually thought how he would do so.

"I haven't decided how to win yet."

"Oh. So what do we actually do now?"

"Keep going like we are, I suppose."

"Typical Slytherin, thinking of only the reward, not the game."

Draco smirked. "You could have been in Slytherin. I wonder how much of _your_ mind is thinking the same way, Harry?"

His smirk widened as the boy that he was conversing with flushed very slightly. Draco would not have noticed, except he himself barely blushed, so knew the most subtle signs.

"I am going now, Draco. Ron and Hermione will be wondering where I am."

"Sure they will, Harry. Sure they will."

Harry did not answer as he walked quickly away.

* * *

Harry was not quite sure why he was behaving the way he did. 

_I don't like him. I definitely don't like him. But I think I_ like _him._

_Is that even possible?_

_Well, it must be. Otherwise it would be too weird._

_Actually, most things in my life are 'too weird'. _

_I can't believe that I keep acting like that in front of him, though. What must he think of me? I'm like... a flirt. Like Seamus! _

_Well, not as bad as Seamus. _

"I _always_ get what I want." _I mean seriously! What was I thinking? What was _he_ thinking? _

_Come on Harry, rationalise, rationalise. _

_Worst case scenario: he hates me, and will laugh at me and publicly humiliate me. I can avoid this by winning, and playing it very cool. On the upside, people will probably notice me a little more._

_Best case scenario: he _likes_ me, and I win. Hmm, I wonder if him _liking _me and me losing would be too bad?_

_I guess telling myself off for bad (or very good) thoughts won't work any more. Is there even a point?_

_Nah._

_Plus, I must say that the bad/good thoughts themselves are more fun that killing myself over having them._

_Now, I need to go shower. _

_Hmm, Draco in the shower. _

_Actually, I think he mentioned that to me by accident at some point. _

_Very promising. _

* * *

Draco too had decided that resistance was futile. 

He had bashed his head repeatedly on the dungeon walls on the way back to the common room, trying to work out why exactly he had been so forward as to suggest _slavery_ as a prize.

Head bashing, however, had not provided a solution.

It was not like as a Slytherin he was not used to being forward- in fact, he was normally completely shameless in pursuing relationships with boys and girls alike.

It was just that when he went for them, it was usually because they were gagging for him. With Harry, he was not really sure. Sometimes the boy made it _very_ clear what he wanted- but sometimes he seemed so indifferent.

On the other hand, even if Harry was not desperate now, Draco was confident that he could change that.

But he had been so _obvious_. His father would have hung his head.

Draco made himself a reminder not to tell his father that he had potentially agreed to be the slave of the boy that had 'defeated' his master fora week. It could go down very badly...

_I suppose_, he eventually decided, _that it could be worse. Harry _definitely_ went for it. I just need to find out what it means to 'win' and how to do it._

* * *

What happens next? Will the boys ever actually work out what they are doing? Will Sally ever work out who the father of her hermaphrodite triplets is? Who killed Kenny? What is the meaning of life? 

I think I'm mixing myself up. I have seen something with hermaphrodite babies and unknown fathers... but anyway. Can't be bothered to delete it.

_You liked the sniggle! I'm so happy!_

I have been amazed at the response for this chapter! Really, I love you people! Huggles to **California Smells Funny, D.** (Lemony Snicket. Hmm, I DO like those books... but for some reason, the pictures scare me), **Arrmaite, WolfwoodEwok764, Warmlight, Immortal Tears of, Melodysmilesalot, Skeet** (I like Snape too- it's fun to write an insane, evil character), **CrystalSaffron, FlamencoPenguin, Tifsuz** (hit Ron with a pestle? Something else to try to work in an insane friend has given me a very interesting plot...), **Morena Evensong** (ah, my story appears to be just like me!), **DeadAngel, Annie Pervert Snape **(love your name!), **some weird person, sheree, Toots** (thanks- although I doubt I am deserving!), **Slytherin07** (out loud? Heh. Sniggle.), **Dora Malfoy, Monikiriepotter, Constant Vigilance Velvet, BewareoftheTornado** (I will try to find time!), **Silverone3, Micky-Mouse, Short Fat Fag andLadyRaven13.** You lot have set my review number record (and yep, it's not that high, but I'm still very excited)!

Please make my day and **_REVIEW!_**


	6. Bad Hair Day

**Disclaimer: the usual scenario- me desperately wanting everything, and the all powerful J K Rowling pointing, laughing and saying no. **

_Big hug to my new beta, Caitlin! Thanks for making this intelligible!_

* * *

**Chapter Six**

"Ron, if I wanted to curse you in public with the most humiliating thing I could find, what would I do?"

A blank look. "Harry, mate, I hate to tell you this, but you've _completely _lost it."

"What do you mean?"

"If I told you how to humiliate me in public, you would humiliate me in public."

Harry paused. "Well I suppose I would, but up until now I hadn't actually been planning on it."

"So why the hell did you ask me how you would go about doing it?"

"I was going to humiliate someone else in public."

"You could have told me that before, you know."

"So are you going to help?"

"Maybe. Who are you planning on cursing?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

A pause. A shocked stare. "Why not?"

"Because trying to work out who it is will annoy you."

Orange eyebrows entered places on the hairline where they had never before ventured as Ron gaped at his friend in disbelief. "What is _wrong_ with you at the moment?"

"Destructive tendencies. It will pass, especially if you tell me how to humiliate someone that is not you in public."

Ron was silent for a moment, turning the concept over in his mind.

"Is it Hermione?"

"If it was Hermione, do you seriously think that I would be asking you for help? You'd just go and tell her."

"No I wouldn't!"

Harry leant towards the redhead with a secretive smile.

"I'm planning to humiliate Hermione, Ron," he whispered.

"Hey, I'm going to tell Hermione you said that!"

Ron immediately made for the stairs that led from the Gryffindor common room where he and Harry were reclining, to the girls' dormitories.

Harry waited for the general commotion caused by the staircase subsequently turning into a slide and screeching loudly to end.

Hermione eventually made her way to the sofas where Harry was waiting and Ron was sulking, and sat down next to her boyfriend.

"So, Harry, you have decided that you're talking to us again."

"Yes."

"But he still wants to be annoying," piped up Ron, evidently hoping to embarrass someone other than himself. Harry, however, nodded and smiled, as if to say that it was really not a problem. "And he wants to put a humiliating curse on you when he works out what to do. He told me," added the redhead proudly.

"Don't worry, Hermione, I wasn't really," said Harry.

"But you said you were!" whined Ron.

"Actually, I just wanted you to fetch Hermione and make a fool of yourself, and you appear to have done both jobs rather nicely."

Ron frowned and sank back into the sofa to sulk some more. Hermione looked down at him adoringly, patted him on the head in the manner that one would a depressed puppy, then turned back to Harry.

"So, what is this whole humiliation thing?"

"Oh, I want to humiliate someone -that is not either of you- in public."

"Right. Who is it?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

Hermione sighed annoyingly.

"But how will we know what will embarrass them if you won't tell us who they are?"

Harry had not thought of that.

_Well, _he thought to himself, _I suppose there is no harm in telling them who it is. I mean, I don't need to add that it's all really for some sort of (well, hopefully some sort of) weird sex game that I'm playing with them. _

"It's Dr- Malfoy."

"And why do you want to humiliate him?"

"Hello, he's _Malfoy_! We don't need a reason," piped up Ron, coming out of his sulk with bright eyes at the prospect of causing his nemesis suffering.

"Is that the real reason, Harry?"

"Er, yep! I feel like taking out my anger on Malfoy, and I want you to help."

"But is that really fair?" Hermione had gotten into the whole 'being fair to people so that we can all live happily together and have pink fluffy bunnies as pets' concept, and it occasionally got in the way of life's greater joys, such as torturing others.

"Oh don't worry, it's just a game. We're both going to try and do that type of thing to each other."

"A game?"

"Yep."

"_Malfoy _is playing a _game_?"

_Well it's not a _game_ game per se…_

"He is indeed. Just a nice, innocent, and not at all sex related game."

Ron choked on his own tongue.

"Please, _please_ tell me you are not playing a sex game with Malfoy."

"I'm not playing a sex game with Malfoy," said Harry dutifully. Ron relaxed back into the sofa with a sigh of relief.

"Harry…" started Hermione warningly.

"It's fine, I was just joking. Scaring you guys is even more fun than annoying you, I think."

"Any more scaring, Harry," started Hermione, sounding very much like an enraged Molly Weasley, "and we will not be helping you!"

"Okay, okay, I'll be a good little boy. Hey, I'll even pick you some flowers… if any grow around here…"

Harry looked around the common room, did not spot any flowers, and turned back to the matter at hand.

"So, do you have any ideas as to how I can embarrass D- Malfoy?"

Hermione smiled the slow, rather evil smile of someone that has been struck by an idea that will cause great suffering to others while they themselves laugh maniacally (she occasionally forgot about the whole happiness and bunnies thing).

"I do indeed…"

* * *

Harry, Ron and Hermione entered the Great Hall, and casually sidled down the length of the Slytherin table. 

"Potter," drawled Draco after a moment, once the trio had taken their positions behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"Taking some time out to enjoy the scenery," answered Hermione instead of the raven haired boy, who was muttering to himself.

Draco stood, hoping that his height would make him more imposing.

As it happened, his height simply allowed the hall a better view of the spectacle to come.

"What is it, Potter? Can't talk yourself? Need your cronies to do it for you? Hey, wait, your cronies are back! They've been ignoring you for the last few weeks, haven't they?"

Harry looked up at Draco, frowning. He knew that he could retaliate with insults, but he also knew that he could do something much better.

"Hey Malfoy?"

"Yes?"

"_Efloresco capitis!_"

Draco stood for a moment, trying to work out what exactly had happened to him.

And then he felt it- something moving on the top of his head.

With a girlish shriek, he grabbed for whatever it was, and felt a truly enormous structure appearing there in place of his hair.

"What have you done to my poor, helpless hair, Potter?"

"It's a flower, Malfoy. Quite a rare one at that. Called the _Amorphophallus titanium. _Er, I think it's the biggest flower in the world. Well, that certainly looks about right. And it's the worst smelling. Yep, that seems right, too."

Nobody in the Great Hall could disagree.

There was no way of accurately describing the smell that was filling the hall at this point- some said rotting eggs, those that had experienced poor lavatory facilities in high temperatures swore that the plant gave off a similar smell. And so on and so forth.

"Potter, are you seriously telling me that my _beautiful _hair, the envy of everyone in this school, has been turned into the world's largest, smelliest flower?"

"Yep! Great, isn't it?"

"I am going to _kill _you! And stop _sniggling_ at me!"

At this, Draco pulled out his wand, and pointed it at the offending boy. Harry responded by turning tail and scampering, still sniggling, out of the Great Hall.

Draco immediately attempted to follow. Taking a step forward, he faltered for a moment as the unfamiliar weight on his head nearly caused him to overbalance.

He then made for the door. Unfortunately for Draco, a quick thinking Ravenclaw that had entered into the spirit of things cast an engorgement charm on the orange bloom on the boy's head.

As a result, the irate Slytherin got stuck in the doorway, cursing and struggling madly as he tried but failed to follow the escaping Gryffindor. Nobody, not even his friends among the Slytherins, could help him. Most of the occupants in the Great Hall (including the teachers) had fallen off their chairs and onto the floor in hysterics.

* * *

Harry strolled up to Draco shortly after their lunch break. 

"So, Draco, how's the hair?"

"I would prefer it if you didn't call me by my first name, Potter."

"Why not, Draco? You didn't have a problem with it before."

"You didn't do anything like that to my hair before. I've never been so embarrassed!"

Harry smiled, and sighed happily. Then he wrinkled his nose.

"You do know that your hair still smells, don't you?"

Draco scowled.

"I washed it four times after Pomfrey changed it back from that flower, Potter! Four! Have you any idea how expensive my shampoo is? And I won't even get started on my conditioner... I should bill you for it!"

"You could try a hair cleaning spell on it."

Draco froze. He took out his wand, pointed it his head, then muttered a quick spell. The smell vanished.

Harry smiled triumphantly, then leant closer to Draco.

"I suppose I should warn you, Draco, that you should cancel all the arrangements you had for this week," he said conversationally.

"What do you mean, Potter?" replied Draco, frowning.

"My name is Harry. You should use it. After all, you belong to me this week."

By this point, the raven haired boy was so close to Draco that he could feel his breath on his cheeks.

Draco was torn.

_On one hand,_ he told himself, _it is pretty clear that Harry has entered into… well, the _correct _spirit of the game. And I couldn't complain about that. _

_And I don't have a problem with being his slave, not really. _

_Well, not at all. _

The problem, Draco concluded, was that no matter how pleasant the tickle of Harry's breath on his neck was, Draco was a Slytherin. And Slytherins have pride.

"I…" Draco's voice trailed off as Harry began to plant soft kisses up his neck and along his jaw. What had he been planning on saying? "Merlin, Harry."

Harry looked up from what he was doing with a wicked smile.

"Hey, why did you stop? Do it again!"

"Are you ordering me about?"

"I- yes! Please do it again, Harry!"

"When I feel like it."

"But- but-"

"Remember who is in charge here, Draco."

_Ah, _thought Draco. Now _I remember what I was going to say._

"Who said that you could order me about, Harry?"

"Well I won the game, didn't I?"

"I never said that you had won. Not at any point."

"It certainly sounded like-"

"_Not at any point!_"

"Draco…"

"The game is still on! I do not concede victory!"

"So you don't want any more of this?" whispered Harry, as he lifted a hand to Draco's chest, then let it trail slowly downwards, resting a tantalisingly short distance above his navel.

"Yes! No! _No!_"

"You're sure?"

"Completely." _No, Harry, not in the slightest._

"Right," said Harry, sounding rather put out.

"Right," echoed Draco, sounding worse.

Harry stood looking confused for a moment, then stepped back from Draco and walked quickly away, his footsteps echoing loudly in the corridor.

Draco shivered, feeling suddenly cold and empty without Harry near to him.

After a moment, he shook himself and stormed up to the Slytherin common room, stopping every so often to smack himself on the head.

* * *

The _Amorphophallus titanium _is a real flower. I would really recommend looking it up- it makes the whole idea of the Great Hall incident a lot funnier! That is one big, orange flower! 

Huggles to my reviewers, **Joshua Glass, Aine** (wahey, you're definitely forgiven!), **dmweasley** (but do you prefer the smiggle or the sniggle**?), Raven Pan, Anny Pervert Snape **(same!), **Careyatid, Morena Evensong, Silverone3, see that happy moron **(I see a happy moron! I'm looking in the mirror!), **Monikiriepotter, California Smells Funny** (no, I meant the fic in general), **toots, Micky-Mouse, krissy, autorisarete, Fantasy101, Snoopy Sayles** (Scotland! I LOVE that place! Went boating on Lock Ness… only really saw a weird duck), **Crystalsaffron and Warmlight **(wow, you reviewed quickly!).

And a SPECIAL hug to my first flamer for this fic! Hugs to **haermione2.0** (interesting 'a' placement), who hasn't worked out that by the sheer volume of slash written on this site, _lots _of people think Harry and Draco are gay! Well, it takes some people longer than others…


	7. Sweet Dreams

Disclaimer: the normal 'I own nothing' thing.

**Ooops... was editing earlier chapters to get rid of errors, and then uploaded them as new chapters instead of replacing old chapters. Oooops. Sorry if i dissapointed anyone that thought they were getting new chappies!**

_This chapter is dedicated to Kurla, because I can't get her anything from her Christmas list (and she rocks)!_

**Big huggles to Caitlin, my wonderful beta!**

As you may have noticed, the rating has gone up! Guess what that will tell you about this chapter? Slash!

**Chapter Seven- Sweet Dreams**

"Draco," whispered a voice somewhere in the dark.

Draco sat up with a start in his bed, and squinted to see who it was. There was, of course, nothing to see; the curtains around his bed ensured that the space enclosed within was completely covered in velvety darkness.

Suddenly a shaft of moonlight shone onto the bed as one of the curtains was pulled aside for a moment, and then black enveloped him again.

Bedsprings creaked under added weight, as something climbed onto his bed and began to crawl towards him.

"Who are you?" he asked, panicking slightly.

There is something about being blind, wandless and only in your boxers that drains one's confidence a little.

"Do you seriously not know?" asked the voice, which Draco could now identify as male.

"I wouldn't be asking if I did."

"Have a guess."

A breeze from the open window made the curtains surrounding the bed flutter, and Draco saw the silhouette of a messy head of hair.

"Harry?" he croaked.

"Shh…" was the only response from the voice, as Draco felt a soft finger being placed over his lips. "Wouldn't want to wake any of your friends, would we?"

Draco shook his head wildly, drawing a quiet chuckle from the dark haired boy that was currently leaning over him. The paler boy shivered at the feel of Harry's breath on his cheek.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted to reconsider," said the boy with a smile that Draco could sense in spite of the darkness.

"Reconsider?"

"Yes. You know, about the whole slave thing."

"You mean admit that you beat me?"

"Of course. What do you say?"

"What's in it for me?"

Bedsprings creaked again, as Harry shifted above him so that his face was only inches above Draco's.

"I can make it very worth your while," he whispered as he bent his head to lower his lips onto his.

As far as Draco knew, Harry had not had many partners, but you would never have guessed from the expert kisses that the raven haired boy was currently delivering.

He choked back a moan as Harry moved again, pulling covers out of the way in order to get better access to the body below him. Draco shivered with desire as he felt a hand tugging at his boxers.

When Harry had finally managed to rid Draco of the offending garments, he pulled back and ran exploring hands over the boy below him.

Well, more specifically, the most… _interesting_ aspects.

Draco gasped as he felt fingers lightly running down his length. "Harry…"

"What is it, Draco? Want me to stop?"

"No, don't stop. Never stop."

Harry made no reply other than to kiss him, which the blond boy had no problem with at all. The amazing things that Harry was doing to him were causing white spots of pleasure to appear before his eyes.

In fact, there were so many spots that it looked almost like daylight.

And strangely, Draco could see everything; the bedcovers, the curtains, Blaise…

Blaise?

Draco was extremely disconcerted to find that Harry and his talented hands appeared to have vanished.

"What are you doing here?" he asked his dark haired fellow Slytherin boy, quickly pulling up the blanket to cover up the rather large erection that he was now sporting.

"Waking you up like normal," came the cheerful reply.

"Ah. And was… was there anyone else in bed that may have, say, run off as soon as you came?"

"No. You were all on your own, moaning and writhing around a bit."

Draco blanched. "And did you, uh, hear what I was saying?" he asked nervously.

"Not really. Well, I think I caught 'No, not the mop. Never the mop,' but I must have misheard, because I'm pretty sure that mops don't really float your boat."

Draco snorted. "Too right. Now go away, I want to get dressed."

Blaise shrugged, then stepped back, allowing the curtains to fall around the bed again.

Draco was therefore immediately plunged into darkness once more, so had to content himself with swearing colourfully as he sought his wand –no, not that one- on one of his bedside tables.

Draco stormed down to breakfast, followed by a very nervous Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise and Pansy.

He could hear them whispering to each other about the cause for his bad mood- Blaise apparently had no problem filling them in with all the humiliating details that he could remember.

The problem with being in Slytherin was that spreading potentially malicious gossip was something of a hobby for many of its occupants.

He threw himself onto one of the benches on the Slytherin table, helped himself to a piece of toast, and began to methodically shred it.

Draco scowled at Harry as he all but bounced into the room with Ron and Hermione, impossibly vibrant for such a ridiculously early hour of a Friday morning.

"Bloody Potter," muttered Draco to himself.

Crabbe and Goyle looked up from their heaped plates, then resumed eating.

"Bloody Potter with his bloody friends and being his bloody attractive self. Bloody… oh crap. Who heard me?"

"I did," said Blaise.

"Me too!" added Pansy.

Crabbe and Goyle looked up again, grunted, then returned to their food.

"Oh. And, er, what do you think?"

"Well," said Pansy slowly, "I'm not exactly surprised."

"Yeah, I mean, we all knew that you were gay, and if you like the whole tall dark and handsome thing, then it's got to be Potter. Or me. But I don't actually want you to like me like that. No offence."

"None taken, I think."

"So," interrupted Pansy just as Blaise was opening his mouth again, "what exactly has been going on with you and Potter over the last few days?"

"Well, Harry and- oh shut up," Draco snapped as Pansy and Blaise simpered, "anyway, we have this sort of game thing going on. The one who loses is a slave to the other for a week."

"Ooh, sounds like fun."

"Who suggested it?" asked Blaise.

"I did, what would you expect?"

"Aww, our little Draco's started his first twisted sex game," said Pansy dreamily. "I'm so proud of you."

"He's come such a long way… A true Slytherin at last…" continued Blaise. The two clasped their hands together and looked at Draco as if he was a toddler that had done a particularly wonderful finger painting.

"What the _hell_ are you two going on about?" asked Draco angrily, pretty certain by now that he was being mocked. "I've always been the true Slytherin-"

"You've always been half a true Slytherin."

"The whole bullying thing seems to be pretty much natural for you, but you_ completely_ left out the whole kinky side of our house."

"Now, however, you are a proper Slytherin. We're so happy for you."

"Hey," said Draco indignantly, "It's not like I'm the only Slytherin virgin…"

Silence fell on the table.

"But surely…" started Draco weakly. "I mean, _Crabbe_… oh come on guys…"

Still silence.

"Okay, fine! I am officially changing the subject!"

Blaise and Pansy giggled to themselves as the other Slytherins hurriedly returned to their meals, having long become immune to Draco's death glares, threats and suchlike.

Pansy cleared her throat. "So, Draco, what do we do next on this whole game thing?"

Draco choked on his coffee. "_We_?"

"Oh but of course, did you seriously think that you could win this game without us?"

"That's what I had been planning on," growled Draco.

Blaise gave a disdainful snort. "Honestly, for the reputed 'King of Slytherin,' you are rather naïve. Do you honestly think that you can do this on your own? Potter certainly isn't."

"He isn't?"

"Of course not. He couldn't have pulled off that stunt yesterday without the help Gryffindor's resident know-it-all."

"So you two are planning on helping me?"

"House pride, Draco. You are the representative of Slytherin, and we must make sure that you are going to win."

"Thanks. I think."

"Whatever. So, what's first on your prank list?"

"Prank list?" asked Draco incredulously.

"You do have a prank list," started Pansy, looking a little concerned, "don't you?"

"Er, not as yet. Should I?"

"I cannot believe that you thought for one moment that you would survive another day without us!" cried Blaise. "You're useless!"

"I'm doing alright so far," protested Draco.

"I hate to remind you, dear, but you ran out of the Great Hall yesterday with a giant, reeking orange plant on your head."

"Oh yes, I knew I forgot something. Thanks for the reminder."

"It's alright, though," said Blaise sympathetically, "we're here now. Nothing can go wrong..."

"Harry, yesterday was really brilliant," said Seamus excitedly. "What are you going to do next?"

"Don't really know yet," replied the boy absentmindedly, his gaze straying to the Slytherin table where Draco was talking animatedly to Blaise and Pansy.

"Harry," said Ron, following his gaze, "I don't like the look of them. They seem to be plotting."

"I think that for once, I am going to have to agree."

"What were you two talking about?" asked Hermione, turning away from her conversation with Ginny.

"Draco appears to have teamed up with Blaise and Pansy for this whole game thing."

Hermione's lip curled. "Pansy Parkinson? Don't worry, she has nothing on us. But that won't stop me exacting my revenge on her."

"Revenge? For what?"

"Well nothing really specific. But still, painful, evil revenge!"

"But the game only concerns Draco," protested Harry.

"Not any more! I am officially entering against Pansy!"

"I suppose," said Ron none too cheerfully, "that you expect me to go against Blaise now."

"Of course! Tell him, Harry!"

Harry, however, was fighting the urge to sniggle madly at his friends. If they knew what the game _really _was….

"I think," added Ron, "that we should make the challenge official!"

"What?" squeaked Harry.

"Yes," said Hermione, quickly warming to the idea. "We should go and tell the Slytherins that we are entering the game."

"B-but," started Harry, guessing correctly that Draco would have told the Slytherins everything, and that he and his friends were minutes away from getting laughed out of the Great Hall.

"Oh come on, Harry," said Ron, "where's your pride? Let's show them what Gryffindors are _really_ made of."

_Yes,_ thought Harry. _Gryffindors are rash, rather stupid, jump into things before knowing the whole story…. I should have let the hat put me in Slytherin. Oh no, where are they going? _

Ron and Hermione had stood and were making their way over to the Slytherin table.

"Pansy," said Hermione loudly, "I am officially challenging you to enter into the game that Harry and Draco are playing!"

"And I challenge Blaise!" added Ron.

Harry went scarlet and hurried out of the room as most of the Slytherin table fell backwards off their benches, roaring with laughter.

**I apologise for this, but my RL is being all annoying and zooming up on me. I should still be able to update every couple of weeks (possibly more because of the holidays), but I am _trying _to excuse the huge (by my standards, anyway) gap between my updates.**

**Huggles to my reviewers: **Aine (wahey, the sniggle hath spread! Long live the sniggle!), Transcendant Pig (love the name!), Carmarethiel, hahaha-evil, Elvengoddess696, Anny Pervert Snape, Separatrix (multiple times! Whee!), Spike22Fowl, Joshua Glass (woah, you reviewed FAST! My email alert thing practically attacked me! Not that I'm complaining...), xxLullaby of Lightxx (I aim to please! Well, sort of... lol), Monikiriepotter, Silverone3, SquirlieJack and California SmellsFunny.

Thanks for your time! Toodles! 


	8. A Rather Interesting Class

Disclaimer: The usual. I own nothing.

Thanks to my brilliant beta, Caitlin!

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**Chapter Eight- A Rather Interesting Class**

Draco finally managed to calm himself down enough to get back onto his seat, and noticed that Hermione and Ron were still standing there, trying (unsuccessfully) to hide their confusion.

"Blaise? Pansy? Are you able to breathe down there?"

"I, hee, think so," replied Blaise.

He took a deep breath, and then sat next to Draco, Pansy joining them a moment later.

"Parkinson, you haven't told me if you'll take me up on the offer yet."

Ron opened his mouth to agree with Hermione, then realised that all he had been doing for a while was echoing her. He decided to wait until he had something better to say before speaking again.

"I'm very sorry, Granger, but I don't think so."

"Hey, what's wrong with Hermione?" asked Ron indignantly, making his very helpful input to the conversation.

"Well I'm sure that there's nothing _wrong _with her, but frankly I would much rather be challenged by you… _Ron_," said Pansy, putting emphasis on his name.

The redhead spluttered, not quite understanding what was going on but feeling that it would be a good time to get very embarrassed.

"Don't worry, Hermione. You don't need to be left out. _I _will accept your challenge in Pansy's stead. I'm sure that you'd prefer it like that anyway," said Blaise smoothly.

"Prefer?"

"But of course… I have something that I'm pretty sure that Pansy doesn't." Blaise paused for a moment. "You don't, do you, Pansy?"

"Hey!" shrieked the blonde in response, hitting her friend over the head with a toast rack.

"I suppose –ow, there's a lump forming on my head you vicious hermaphrodite—that the whole hitting thing was to avoid answering the question. Pansy, I never knew!"

Draco slapped Pansy's hand away as she reached for more table implements with which she could assault her very offensive friend.

"This is not," he muttered to them, "the image that we want those Gryffindors to have of our house. Blaise, leave Pansy's questionable gender to later. We must keep up the aloof and in control Slytherin persona."

"Okay, Draco."

"Sorry, Draco."

"Good. Weasley, Granger, Pansy and Blaise respectively accept your challenges."

"We look forward to beating you," said Hermione, attempting to be calm and collected, but in truth sounding rather like a frog.

"Whatever you want to think, Hermione. But I'm sure the pleasure will be all mine," replied Blaise with a smirk. "But you may go… for now."

"Are you giving us _permission_ to leave?"

"Yes. In fact, we would _love _you to leave," said Pansy sweetly in response to Ron's indignant question.

"You can't order us about!" the redhead all but yelled.

"So you want to stay and have breakfast with us?"

"Wh- No! Hermione, we're leaving! Now!"

Ron grabbed his girlfriend's hand and stormed out of the Great Hall.

Most of the Slytherins that had managed to calm themselves down enough to witness the incident promptly fell off their chairs laughing again.

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"Why did I have to be the one to do this?" whined Draco as Pansy and Blaise propelled him into Care of Magical Creatures.

"Because you were the one that started this whole game, not us."

"But you were really happy about that this morning."

"Doesn't mean that we're going to do this particular bit of dirty work for you," grinned Blaise.

Draco was silent for a moment.

"Why did we have to do _this_ spell?"

"Because it's the most effective one. Oh, and we get to know what underwear they wear as well."

"But I don't want to know what underwear they like!"

"Not even Potter's?" asked Pansy slyly.

"I don't really care what underwear he wears."

"Really?" questioned Blaise disbelievingly.

"The only thing about Harry's underwear that I care about is that he removes it for me!"

Blaise and Pansy sniggled. Draco realised that his statement had come out a little more loudly than he had intended it to.

"Right, I think we should get going. You know what order to remove stuff in?"

"Yes, mother."

Draco knew the order. He had been lectured on it constantly for the last three hours.

When Pansy had first mentioned the spell, he had been very excited. After all, who would not be excited about learning a spell that would allow you to look under someone's clothes and remove them layer by layer? The best thing was that the three target Gryffindors would not even notice.

Yes, it was a wonderful spell. But there was one rather large problem.

Draco really did not want to see what Weasley or Granger kept under their robes, as enticing as the prospects probably appeared to Blaise and Pansy.

Draco closed his eyes and braced himself as Pansy cast the spell.

When he opened them, nothing appeared different at first.

Then he looked at Ron, and found that if he squinted, he could actually see through the redhead's cloak. The worn jumper that the boy was wearing vanished as soon as Draco willed it to.

_Right, _he thought, _I'll start with the Weasel, then do Granger. I can save the best for last…_

_Weasley really _does_ have awful taste in clothes. A maroon jumper with a yellow T-shirt? Please. _

_And they're in such a state, I can hardly imagine what his underwear-_

_Oh. _

_Weasley doesn't wear underwear. What a 'pleasant' surprise. _

_Well, I suppose I can now officially abolish the rumour that red hair means red…._

_Oh Merlin, what am I thinking? _

_Will never tell anyone about what I have just seen. _

_Ever. _

_And possibly remove my eyes with a spoon once this is all over…_

Draco shook his head a couple of times to get rid of the awful image that he was sure was now permanently imprinted into his memory.

He made quick work disrobing Granger, noting that the Gryffindor know-it-all seemed to favour rather interesting green lingerie over the granny pants that she had always been labelled as wearing.

Well, at least Blaise would be interested.

Draco was now able to turn to the last Gryffindor. Harry was staring avidly at his favourite teacher as he raved on about his great love for today's obscure yet horrific monster.

"Draco," said a voice from far off, "are you done? Do I say the wind spell yet?"

"No! Wait until I tell you!" he snapped.

"Okay, keep your hair on!"

Slightly paranoid about his hair after the flower incident, Draco quickly checked that he _was _still keeping his hair on. Once this was done, he returned to the task in hand.

Draco willed away Harry's untasteful tasteful jumper (_In case I'm ever seen with him in public. Not that I'm thinking of the two of us dating or anything)_, then took a deep breath and continued with his T-shirt, trousers and boxers.

He then spent a moment reminding himself that if he ran over to the unsuspecting boy and shagged the living daylights out of him, all kinds of trouble would surely follow.

"Well then, Harry. I think I owe you some congratulations," murmured Draco as his gaze strayed from a chest firmly toned by Quidditch to the boy's lower regions. Which so happened to be of extremely impressive proportions.

"Come on Draco, you can ogle Potter when we blow all of their robes off. We already took their wands, it's not like they can do anything about it."

"Yeah, other people want to enjoy the scenery as well!"

Draco was silent, lost in a rather pleasant daydream.

"Draco!" snapped Pansy, and prodded his arm hard.

"Okay, fine," sighed Draco. "Go ahead."

"Yay," squealed the girl. "_Ventus!_"

A strong gust of wind immediately blew through the class, making almost everyone's robes flutter.

The exception to this was, of course, the three unlucky Gryffindors. The catches that held their robes on had been undone by Blaise, and with nothing to hold them on, the robes were immediately blown away… right into the Forbidden Forest.

There was a moment of stunned silence as the class stared in shock at their naked schoolmates.

Suddenly, a shaking Hermione raised an arm and pointed directly at Blaise. "You!" she shrieked.

"I'm sorry, Hermione, I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Oh you definitely know."

"I assure you that I don't. Why would I want to see you naked?" he asked innocently, but the look in his eyes gave him away to pretty much everyone… except Hermione.

The girl turned angrily to look at the class. "What are _you _looking at?" she all but screamed.

Nobody answered.

"Can somebody transfigure me some clothes, please?"

Still silence.

"Harry, make them do something to help!"

Harry made no reply. He was staring at Draco.

Draco thought that he could see the raven-haired boy's lower lip trembling.

This was _not _what he had wanted to happen.

He had wanted Harry to be embarrassed, yes. And he did not really care how Granger and Weasley felt.

But he never wanted to _hurt _Harry. Not like he appeared to have done.

Just as Draco was taking out his wand to make the unfortunate boy a cloak, Harry whipped around and headed off towards the forest, evidently in search of his lost clothes.

Draco looked back at the rest of the class. Apart from a large amount of staring taking place, nothing much was happening. He took off after Harry's receding back.

Draco caught up with Harry as the boy was about to enter the shade of the trees.

"Look, Harry, I'll get your cloak."

"Why should you?" came the angry response. "You think I'll forgive you for humiliating me and my friends if you get my cloak?"

"Well…"

"How could you do this to me?"

"Hey," said Draco slightly indignantly, "you embarrassed me first."

"Yeah, but it didn't ruin your reputation or anything. It was just a bit of fun…" Harry broke off with a sniffle, then turned to head into the forest.

"_Accio cloaks!" _Draco caught the flying garments and grabbed Harry's arm. It was freezing. Draco felt (if it was possible) worse.

Harry took them wordlessly, and slipped his on.

"Harry," said Draco, "I, uh," he blushed slightly, then tried again. "Trust me, you have _nothing _to be embarrassed about."

Harry stared at him hard for a few moments. Draco thought that he caught the hint of a smile before the teenager turned to walk away.

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I am now going to splutter joyously. Forty-two reviews_! Forty-two_! **I love you guys**! Sadly, this does mean that I can't give everyone a personal response. However, a few things must be said:

-More apologiesfor confusing people who thought myediting muck up was a new chapter.

-Thanks to everyone that liked my smutty scene. Hopefully there will be more, if the plot takes the right turns!

-Huge hugs to everyone that helped with ideas! I'd still love some more prank ideas, if anyone is giving! They will begin to appear next chapter, dedicated suitably!

-Thanks to yumeko, who is translating this into Italian!

-Dora Malfoy changed her name to TheSniggleRulz! Wahey!

-Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

-Thanks to everyone that has put this on favourites and has me on author alert. You make my day, and I love you all!

_I have the next chapter almost done, and I will post it in a few days. Hmm, I wonder how you could encourage me to post it sooner....? Please continue to review! hint Thanks for all your support!_


	9. Eee?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the idea for the prank in this chapter… credit to that goes to the fabulous _shinchansgirl _(Live journal!). Go her! Also, please see my AN at the end for another idea credit!

Thanks to Caitlin, my lovely beta!

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**Chapter Nine- Eee?**

Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting by the fire in the Common Room. After a few minutes, a bold fifth year ventured towards them to ask Harry if he really did have eight inches, or if it was just a rumour.

This had been happening to Harry all day. Everywhere he went, he was questioned. And everywhere he went, he politely declined to answer.

Not this time.

Harry growled, whipped out his wand (no, not the one in question. The wooden one. As in actual wood, not… 'wood'), cursed the unfortunate youth with permanent boils all over, then glared furiously at the rest of the common room.

"Let me assure you," he yelled, "that interested as I am sure you all are, the size of my penis is none of your business! If at any point I decide it is, _I will tell you!_ Now go away and stop bothering me!"

He then sighed gustily and turned back to his friends. There was a rustling noise as every other Gryffindor student decided that it was time to clear out of the Common Room.

"Why is nobody interested in how big _mine_ is?" asked Ron a little petulantly after a moment.

"Because we all know, and it's nothing to get excited about," said Harry, with his first genuine smile in a few hours.

"And yours is?"

"Well….yes, actually."

"How d-"

"Stop arguing, boys!" interrupted Hermione. "We have far bigger fish –even bigger than Harry's- to fry."

Harry sniggled at Ron, but quietly so that Hermione did not notice. Ron opened his mouth, but then realised that he had not come up with a witty retort, so closed it again.

"Do either of you have any ideas for a good prank?"

"Actually," said Ron, surprising Harry and Hermione, "I do!"

Hermione looked a little worried, but smiled and nodded encouragingly at her boyfriend nonetheless. Ron seemed unfazed.

"I think we should turn Pansy into a pansy!"

"But then Pomfrey would just turn her back," said Harry, frowning.

"No," said Ron impatiently, "not an actual pansy. I meant that we could sort of… botch it a bit. Just give her green skin, petals around her face, maybe stop her talking, something like that. If we botch it, it will be harder for them to find a cure, and they'll just have to wait for the spell to wear off."

Harry was impressed. It appeared that Ron had actually come up with a good idea. To tell the truth, he was feeling a little jealous.

"So, mastermind," he started, "what do we do about the other two?"

"Oh. I dunno. I just had my little flash of brilliance. It's gone now."

"Don't worry, dear," said Hermione brightly, "I'm sure we can come up with other things for Malfoy and Blaise."

"Why is Malfoy Malfoy, but Zabini Blaise?"

"Because I am in the contest against him. I may as well call him by name."

"So I can call Draco Draco?"

"You said that like you were already calling him Draco," Hermione said accusingly. "You should have asked if you could call _Malfoy _Draco."

"Huh? Howzat?" replied a slightly thrown Harry.

"I… I don't know, I think I just lost track of the conversation."

"Okay. Anyway, I think I know what to do with Draco," said Harry with a sly smile.

"Which is?"

"We can do like Ron will with Pansy, but Draco can be a cat."

"A cat? Why?" asked Ron.

"Well think about it. Malfoy is the King of Slytherin. He'll look really stupid with cat ears and a tail. Oooh, we can do it so that all he can do is purr and say 'meow'!"

"Yeah, that would be good," said Hermione, looking rather dreamy at the idea. Harry debated whether he should be getting possessive, then decided against it. Hermione was probably just getting turned on by the idea of suffering and humiliation.

_Plus, _added Harry to himself, _I'm sure that Draco would look just adorable… I wonder if he'd let me stroke him?_

_No, of course not. What a stupid idea. _

_Could be worth a try. _

And so the trio began to plot.

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"Draco," said Harry amicably, strolling over to the Slytherin table. "So nice to see you."

"Potter," came the startled reply. "What are you doing here?"

"I've decided to forgive you for that whole Care of Magical Creatures thing. I've decided that I will let you get away with publicly humiliating me this time. Anyway, we're all friends here- I really think you should be calling me Harry."

"What are you doing, Harry?" responded Draco with suspicion.

"Are you questioning my strangely timed and rather overt friendliness?" Harry replied, looking shocked and offended.

"Well… yes."

"Probably a good idea, actually."

With that, Harry threw the small vial that had been concealed in his hand at the blond boy. Ron and Hermione, who had been standing just behind him, threw their own potions at their victims.

There was a moment of stunned silence, all eyes riveted on the three shocked Slytherins.

And then they began to change. Pansy's hair pulled free of its tie, and ended up standing at angles around her head. It solidified, ending up as blonde petals surrounding her rapidly changing skin.

The unfortunate girl looked down at her now green hands, and tried to scream. Unfortunately, her voice had deserted her, so she was unable to do anything but look at what was happening to her friends.

Draco was touching his new white ears and long curling tail in disbelief. He turned angrily to Harry, and pointed a shortening finger at him.

"Meow! Meow? M-"

Realising that he was unable to speak normally, he threw himself at the hysterical Gryffindor, yowling furiously. Sadly for him, the whole spectacle was so funny that Harry could do nothing but laugh.

"Look, everyone!" he yelled, grabbing one of Draco's paws and raising it. "He's even de-clawed! Isn't he cute?"

As everyone in the Great Hall roared with laughter, Harry proceeded to pat Malfoy on the head.

Draco growled, attempted to bite Harry's hand. After a few moments of batting at the agile seeker, the cat-boy proceeded to curl up on the floor and attempt to hide himself.

Harry personally decided that Draco looked rather sweet, all curled up and shivering. Unfortunately, this was probably not the time to suggest a hug. Draco would probably attempt to stab his eyes out.

Blaise seemed to be the calmest of the three. He had picked up one of the silver plates, and was currently examining his new pink floppy ears and whiskers.

Hermione was rather impressed; when one is partially changed into a rabbit, they generally take it a little harder. Maybe this had happened to Blaise before?

"Everything alright, Blaise?"

The boy/rabbit raised his head to glare at her.

"You could answer me, you know. Or you can just flap your ears and go 'eee'," she said, grinning widely.

Blaise would have made a very rude gesture at this point, but he couldn't. It appeared that he no longer had a discernable middle finger.

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Draco, Pansy and Blaise returned from the infirmary, and threw themselves into their usual seats in the Slytherin Common Room.

After a few moments, Crabbe and Goyle wandered towards them and took up their normal positions on the floor.

"So," said Goyle, being strangely talkative for a brainless ogre, "how did it go?"

"Meow," said Draco angrily, gesturing wildly with his paws.

"Madam Pomfrey couldn't find an antidote because there isn't one in existence," summarised Crabbe, "but she thinks the potions will wear off in a few days."

Draco, Pansy and Blaise exchanged slightly confused glances.

"Eee!" added Blaise.

"Also," translated Goyle, "you were told to attend lessons, so that you do not miss anything on the syllabus. Although your appearances have altered, there is nothing wrong with your minds."

Blaise nodded.

"Ah, well that's alright, then. Education's what really matters, you know," said Crabbe brightly.

"I think we'll be off now," added Goyle. "Things to do and all that."

The two mountains then proceeded to haul themselves up and off to the other side of the Common Room, where they started hitting each other over the head with some heavy tomes that were lying on a table.

"Meow?" asked Draco, attempting to point at them.

"Eee," agreed Blaise.

Pansy shook her petals.

The three of them then realised the futility of trying to make any other conversation, and sat for a while in an uncomfortable silence.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry was walking innocently (well, not particularly innocently, but he was not doing anything directly wrong to anyone at that particular moment in time) to the detention that he had been given with Professor McGonagall, when a paw shot out of a dark corner and grabbed him.

A furious face loomed before him, its eyes blazing.

"Meow!" it said threateningly.

Harry then ruined the atmosphere completely by raising a hand to lightly stroke Draco's hair.

Draco, although furious, could not help purring and leaning his head forward to rest on Harry's chest.

Then he realised that he was meant to be killing Harry, not giving in to cuddle induced animal happiness, and reluctantly pulled away.

"Meow," he stated angrily.

"Hey, it wasn't as bad as what you did to me!" protested Harry.

"Meow!"

"I'm assuming that you beg to differ. Well… nyah to that," said the boy, finding the whole one way conversation thing a little disconcerting.

Draco raised an eyebrow, but it is very difficult to look condescending when one is sporting cat ears.

Harry reached up and flicked one of the white ears in question. Draco yowled in pain and anger. Harry gave the ear a little stroke, and Draco began to purr again.

"Aww," cooed the boy immediately, "that's so cute! Do you think you could stay like this permanently?"

Draco glared.

"Right," said Harry, looking at his watch. "Lovely as this little rendezvous is, I must get to detention. McGonagall doesn't appreciate the genius of unleashing your inner kitty as much as I do. It was nice, uh, _talking _to you."

Draco very maturely stuck his tongue out at Harry, then stalked away, head and tail held high.

As he walked, he could hear the raven-haired youth sniggling at him as he in turn headed off to his detention.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Snape swooped into the classroom, smiling maliciously as his class quaked before him.

This was exactly how he liked things to be. Longbottom was already dripping with sweat, Patil was shaking in her seat, Granger was looking at him with fear and disgust, Zabini's bunny ears were quivering….

"Zabini," hissed the man, "explain why there are pink appendages protruding from your head."

Snape was enormously satisfied to see the boy's eyes fill with tears.

"Answer me, boy!"

There was silence for a moment. Then the boy quietly said, "Eee."

"I didn't catch that. Repeat it louder. Oh, and ten points from Slytherin for wasting my time."

"Eee," repeated Blaise more loudly.

"Funny," said Snape, "but that's what you said before. Explain."

"Eee," whimpered Blaise, his ears drooping and his bottom lip quivering.

"Professor," called Hermione, who was now feeling terrible. "He can't say anything else. You should have received a note about his condition last night."

"I received no such note," said Snape, who had actually received seven copies from a rather concerned Dumbledore. "Now, that would be ten points from Gryffindor for speaking out of turn, ten points for making me feel neglected after not receiving the note, ten because I am assuming that it was you that has caused Zabini's affliction, ten because there is _pink _in my dungeon, and ten because your bushy hair offends me. Sort it out."

Hermione looked down at her desk, and attempted to cover up a sniffle.

"Ten more points for sniffing in class, Granger! You're probably completely riddled in disease. Get out, and stay out until you have decontaminated yourself!" snapped Snape.

Hermione gave a choking sob, then quickly gathered up her books and ran out of the room.

"Right." The man turned to Pansy, his face actually appearing to light up. "Parkinson. You have exactly four seconds to tell me all the properties of the Vulchanov."

Pansy rustled her petals in dismay. Ron groaned, and raised his hand…

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"Or you can just flap your ears and go 'eee'," is taken from the Bunny cartoons. I can't be bothered to find the link. It's one of the ones at the top of my Live journal, which I have a link to in my bio. If you like my insane humour, you will love Bunny!

Apologies to **bananagirl** for Harry crying. Must add, however, that all of the characters in this fic are _completely _out of character. I just do this because it makes me (and, apparently, a few other people) giggle. Sorry for disappointing you!

For **essa**... no, I'm not _nearly _done with this fic! I don't know when I will be either, it's just sort of popping into my head and I'm having fun.

I said I'd update soon, so I have, but I don't think I will be able to update from now until late January. Sorry! I'd still love you to **review**, though, because it makes me _happy_!


	10. Bad Boy!

Disclaimer: Oh come on, seriously?

**Important note: Yes, I uploaded, then deleted. I thought it was my fault that the chapter was invisible. For the first time ever, it actually wasn't!**

_Thanks to Caitlin for being a great beta!_

**Chapter Ten- Bad Boy!**

"Draco, how're you doing?" asked Harry companionably.

The blond in question glared. "I am _sore_," he started.

Harry sniggled.

"It's not funny!"

"I beg to differ."

"Alright!" yelled Draco. "Next time _you _try growing a tail. It _hurts_! And it makes Quidditch a _very uncomfortable experience_!"

Harry could not help roaring with laughter. He was therefore completely taken by surprise when Draco leapt forward and smacked him very hard on the bottom.

"What was that for?" he yelped, rubbing the injured area.

"Stings, doesn't it?"

"Yes!"

"Good! Well to give you some idea, I will be doing that every couple of hours for the next day, maybe two. Because _that _is what you did to me!"

Harry froze for a moment, then grinned, wiggling his eyebrows at Draco.

"Does that mean that you'll be visiting me in the dorms at night?"

"Wh-"

"Because sometimes when I'm in bed, I do feel like a good spanking. Among other things…" said Harry slyly with a suggestive wink.

"Stop that now! I'm doing this as your punishment, not so you can get off on some kinky domination thing."

"Hey, I thought that Slytherins were meant to be kinky. I'm sure you'd _really _enjoy it."

"S- wh- _Harry_!" Draco spluttered.

"What?"

"J- wh- h-"

"Oh honestly, Draco. Unless you're willing to make this conversation worth my time," Harry paused significantly, "I'm going to breakfast."

Harry gave Draco one last sly smile, and then practically bounced down to the Great Hall.

"Why so flustered, Draco?" asked Pansy, absently patting down her hair.

The girl's blonde locks, although no longer looking like petals, still made the occasional attempt to retain the flower shape that they had decided they rather liked.

"Oh, it's nothing."

"Draco," said Blaise, "With you, it's _never _nothing."

Draco looked at his friends for a moment, and then decided that he may as well tell them. After all, it would just save them the trouble of finding out themselves, which they inevitably would.

"I, er, think I may have volunteered to give Potter a regular spanking."

Pansy stopped fiddling with her hair. Blaise's eyes widened. Suddenly, they both let out loud whoops of joy, and began, to Draco's dismay, a loud round of applause.

"Stop! What are you doing?"

"Oh Draco, that is _brilliant_! How did you manage it?"

"I told him that his recent escapade needed punishing for," he began.

Blaise's grin widened, and Pansy began to giggle as Draco finished the story with an, "I mean seriously, I wasn't aware that Gryffindors even _got_ kinky!"

"Remember, Draco, that Potter could have been in Slytherin."

"And," added Blaise, "that Lavender girl. Whoa, now _she_-"

Blaise was cut off as an unfamiliar owl landed on the Slytherin table next to his hand, carrying a strangely shaped package. He examined it.

"It's for you," he finally said, detaching the package and handing it to Draco.

Warily, Draco prodded the package. It remained still. He cast a detection spell, which revealed no curses or suchlike.

"Go on, open it," urged Pansy.

Draco hesitated for a moment, then ripped open the package.

Seconds later, he was desperately trying to hide his newly gifted leather whip under the table, away from the prying eyes of his very interested housemates.

Blaise, who had seen _exactly_ what Draco had just received, was smiling widely. Pansy, however, was far more interested in the note that had fluttered onto the tabletop.

"_I wasn't joking, you know," _she read. _"See you later." _

By this point, Draco had completely lost his cool composure, and was sporting a blush that could rival Ron's. He glanced over at the Gryffindor table, immediately meeting Harry's eye.

The boy winked at him.

Pansy caught his line of sight and nudged him. "So, what're you going to wear tonight?"

"Wear tonight?"

"Yeah. I suggest leather. You do have leather, don't you?"

"Yes, but I don't think I'm going to go."

"Why the hell not?" demanded Pansy.

"Well, for a start, I don't know the password to Gryffindor Tower…"

Blaise patted him on the shoulder. "Not a problem, mate."

"And if I get in, someone's bound to stop me as soon as I reach the common room."

"That's why you're not going to go through the common room."

"So…?"

"Draco," Pansy chimed in, "remember that time last year when we bewitched those stones to constantly bounce against the Gryffindor boys' dorm windows?"

"Ah, yes," grinned Draco. "Good times."

"Yeah," agreed Blaise. "Anyway, it's a rather warm day, and I expect a very mild evening."

"Not like you to notice the weather."

"Nice weather," continued Blaise, "for a broomstick flight, don't you think?"

"No way. I am _not _flying up to Gryffindor Tower in leather carrying a whip."

"Draco," Pansy said sweetly, "let me tell you now that you most certainly are."

Draco glared at his friends. "Why are you pushing this so hard, anyway?"

"Now that brings us onto some other tasks that we would like completed tonight."

"After all, since you are already going to be in the tower, it would be foolish to waste this sterling opportunity."

"Opportunity?" asked Draco incredulously.

"Picture this," said Pansy, waving her hands around in the air to back up her statement. "You go to the tower, give Harry a very good spanking –or whatever it is that you want- and on your way out, just happen to accidentally pour a potion into the dorm's jug of water."

"A potion?"

"Yes. A potion."

"But doesn't that mean that _everyone _will get some of it?"

"Er, Pansy?" asked Blaise. "What if Harry and Ron don't get thirsty?"

"Well you could do a thirst spell, couldn't you?"

"There's a thirst spell?"

"Must be one somewhere. Anyway, don't you want to know the idea I had for the potion?"

A sly smile spread across Blaise's face as Pansy unveiled her plan.

In the early hours of the morning, Draco mounted his broom, checked that he had everything that he needed, and took off from the grounds. He flew slowly up to the large bay window that led to Harry's dormitory.

It was wide open, as usual. Trusting Gryffindors, not expecting night-time intruders now that the War was over.

Rather convenient, though.

Draco drew level with the window, then carefully stepped through. As his foot sank into the soft cushions on the window seat, he heard a gasp from somewhere near his waist.

He looked down to see two startled green eyes sparkling up at him.

"You came!" whispered a very shocked Harry Potter.

"But of course," replied Draco. "After all, you've been a _very bad boy_."

Harry snickered, then took Draco by the hand and let him quietly to his bed. They drew the curtains, and Harry made some light as Draco muttered a silencing spell.

"I'm still amazed you turned up," commented Harry after a moment.

"Why? I'd never miss out on an opportunity like this."

"Yeah, but you also had to come to Gryffindor Tower to do it."

"Hmm," said Draco. "Well, if I forget for the moment about how difficult it will be to scrub the dirt off my leather, then I could say that it's rather exciting."

Harry froze. "Leather?"

With a smirk, Draco stretched leisurely, then stood up on the bed. He shimmied slowly around, giving Harry a clear view of exactly how tightly his trousers clung to his behind. Draco knew that he looked _good_, and was certainly not going to waste this opportunity.

The Boy Who Thought That He Might Actually Die Of Happiness swallowed once, and finally managed to gasp, "Wow."

"I know," grinned Draco.

"How did you get into them?"

"Magic."

Harry frowned, then realised that Draco meant that he actually _had _used magic.

"And, uh…" he trailed off.

"Yes?"

Harry blushed. "How do you get out of them?"

Draco scratched his head. "I'm not actually sure."

"So, er, you don't think that will be happening any time soon, then?"

Draco snickered. "But Harry, you're being punished. I rather think that _me_ getting naked would defeat the purpose."

"Oh."

"Well come here, then."

Harry smiled, then crawled across the bed towards Draco. The blond noticed that all that the boy was wearing was a pair of boxers. As he had been in the Care of Magical Creatures lesson, Draco was certainly very appreciative of this.

Draco licked his dry lips. "Lie down," he croaked. As Harry obliged, he uncoiled the whip that had been tied around his waist.

"You liked my present, I assume?" asked the Gryffindor, turning his head so that he could see what Draco was doing.

"Oh yes, most definitely. Now less talking, more punishing!"

A few minutes later, Draco threw the whip aside. "Had enough, Harry?"

The darker boy pushed himself up on the bed, his cheeks flushed. He sat and- "Ow."

"What?"

Harry looked at Draco accusingly. "It hurts."

"No shit, Sherlock."

Harry tilted his head to the side in a rather adorable, puppy-like way. Not that Draco liked puppies. "You know about Sherlock Holmes?" he asked.

"Well, no, but the Ravenclaws say it a lot. Does it make me sound clever?"

Harry grinned. "It just doesn't work for you. Anyway, back to my _pain_."

"Hey, you asked for it."

"Wh- b- Can you at least kiss it better?"

Draco debated this for a moment.

On one had, he would just _love _to kiss the offended area better.

On the other, he knew that there was precious little room in his leather pants, and that he had no chance of taking them off, so all it would really cause him was a lot of frustration.

"_Punishment_, Harry. No kissing better," said Draco, waggling a finger at him.

Harry pouted cutely. Draco melted. "Pleeeease?"

"Oh come here."

Draco pulled Harry into his arms. The raven-haired boy buried his face in Draco's shoulder.

"You smell of leather."

"No sh- Harry, I'm wearing a leather jacket," pointed out Draco.

"Mmm," murmured Harry, and Draco realised that he was falling asleep.

Draco gently eased the boy out of his arms, opened the covers of his bed to tuck him in, and was very tempted to just curl up beside him but knew that he had another task.

With a last look the sleeping youth, Draco opened the curtains of the bed and slipped out. He pulled a tiny vial of potion from an invisible pocket in his jacket, and poured it into the jug of water that he found near Ron's bed.

In the dim light from his wand, Draco watched the potion swirl slowly into the water, and eventually vanish. With a heavy heart, he made his way to the window.

He had no problem with giving the potion to Ron. He really could not have cared less about the boy. But… he did not want Harry to take the potion. Not really, game or none. And after what happened last time...

Draco mounted his broom. From his position, he sighed, then muttered the thirst spell twice.

Turning, he pushed away on his broom as two beams of light shot across the sleeping room.

_I am bowled over by the response I'm getting for this fic, I really am. You guys are literally the best! _

Because there are so many of you wonderful people, I can't thank all of you individually. However... apologies to Arwen Applestone about her keyboard! S

The next chapter is currently in the works, so hopefully I should update in the next couple of weeks! (Have just noticed that there is some vestige of cliffieness at the end of this chapter. My trademark cliffies have returned!)

**As a note to anyone that read _Him _and _Total Eclipse of the Heart _(and to people that haven't... please have a look!), thanks very much for reading. I don't think I will be continuing either of them, but you never know. ;)**

_Other exciting things to mention are that a couple of people are drawing pics of a couple of scenes. I will post the link in the relevant chapter as well, but... anyone remember the flower scene?_ www. freeimageslutions .com/getimg/FlowerHeadDraco.jpg (get rid of the gaps when trying to use the link, or it won't work! Duh...) _Drawn by J. L. Wanfried. Be awed!_

_And finally, because it's my birthday on Sunday, **please review!**_


	11. Smitten

Disclaimer: Own zip. Nada. And it's not by choice!

_Chapter re-posted after being beta-ed. Thanks, Caitlin!_

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

Draco did not get up in time for breakfast the next morning, rather tired from the night before. Blaise and Pansy reported back to him that very few of the seventh year Gryffindors had turned up either.

Pansy also proudly informed Draco that she had slipped Hermione her potion with her usual tact last night during Prefect duties, and that the girl had, rather surprisingly, suspected nothing.

And much as Draco had congratulated his beaming friends and told them that he too was anticipating the events that were to come during the day, something lurking in the back of his mind was crying out in protest.

Blaise had insisted that they turn up early for Potions class that day so that they would get good seats. After all, it would be awful if they 'missed all the action.'

As a result, the three Slytherins were walking the corridor towards the dungeons in silence, each wrapped up in their own thoughts.

When they neared the door to the classroom, however, sounds from inside caught their attention.

"Severus," purred a voice from inside the laboratory. "Fancy seeing you here."

"This is my classroom, of course I'm here," stated the teacher abruptly. "Emphasis on the _my_. _I _should be here. _You _should not. Get out."

There was a pause. "Are you sure about that?" asked the voice huskily.

"Wh-" began Snape's voice, when it was cut off. There was a sound from the room that seemed rather like desks being shifted. Like something –or some_one_- was being pushed against them.

After a moment, the unknown voice said, "Oh _Professor. _I _am_ impressed."

Silence for a moment. Snape spoke again: "No. Stop it!"

"What? This?" A suspicious sounding rustle.

"Yes, that!"

"You're sure?"

"Y- ohhhhh. No. I mean yes. Just get out!"

"B-" began the voice, sounding the slightest bit whiny.

"Now!"

The three Slytherins jumped away from the door that their ears had been pressed against a split second before it burst open, and out of it stumbled a very red and dishevelled looking…

Neville Longbottom?

The bumbling Gryffindor did not seem to notice the gaping Slytherins as he quickly sprinted down the corridor. When he was out of sight, and the door of the classroom had slammed shut, Pansy turned to Draco.

"Draco," she began sweetly, "there _were _only two servings of water left in the jug when you added the potion, weren't there?"

"Yes," replied Draco fearfully.

"And you _do_ remember who they were meant for, don't you?" she asked, with a hint of something much more frightening than the sickly sweetness on her voice.

"Yes. Ron and Harry."

"Tell me, Draco, what the potion that you put in the jug was."

Draco sighed. "It was a love potion that wears off quickly enough to cause embarrassment but not lasting damage."

"And who did we choose to make them fall in love with?"

"Snape'."

"Now tell me, Draco," continued Pansy in her sugar sweet voice. "Did you notice anything funny about Longbottom's behaviour just now?"

"Yes." Draco whimpered quietly.

"And what was it?"

"He was smitten with Snape."

* * *

Harry, Ron and Hermione blearily stumbled down the corridor towards their Potions class. Before they could reach the door, however, Harry found himself being grabbed by the arm and dragged into a nearby classroom.

"Harry, how do you feel about Snape?" asked Draco urgently.

"He's a cranky asshat," replied Harry, feeling rather bemused.

"No… _feelings_?"

"Lord no!" cried Harry, looking horrified.

Draco smacked himself on the head. _Brilliant. I know that I didn't want Harry to take the potion, but… What do I tell him? _How _do I tell him?_

"Draco, what's wrong?" asked Harry, looking slightly concerned.

"IputalovepotioninyourdormsjugandnowWeasleyandLongbottomaresmittenwithSnape," muttered Draco, staring at his feet.

"_What _did you just say?"

Draco sighed. "I put a love potion in your dorm's jug, and now Weasley and Longbottom are smitten with Snape."

"_What!_"

"It won't last long, just until the end of the day, but, uh, yeah," Draco trailed off.

"Draco!" cried Harry. "Why Neville?"

"It was meant to be you, but I guess the thirst spell went wrong."

Harry glared at Draco, his forehead wrinkling with the intensity of it. "You used me! Last night was- You _used_ me!"

"No, no, I-"

"You just wanted to prank us, and just got last night as an extra! I can't believe you! I though that you… I don't know what I thought…"

"Harry, no, it wasn't like that," protested Draco.

"And now Hermione and I will need to look after Ron and Neville all day too. You're so… ugh!" cried Harry, throwing his hands in the air.

Draco looked away and muttered something.

Harry just glared at him, and waited for him to repeat whatever it was that he had said.

"Hermione was given the potion last night by Pansy," whispered Draco.

Harry turned red with fury.

"Hey, we're playing a game!" cried the blond.

"And you broke the rules," replied Harry quietly.

"There _are _no rules, Harry."

"You're not playing fair. You took advantage of me."

"All's fair in love and war."

Harry merely gave Draco as disdainful look before storming out of the classroom. Draco followed him back to the line of pupils outside the classroom, his heart sinking right down to his feet.

Draco watched as Harry made his way over to where Ron and Hermione were standing casting furtive glances at the door of the classroom. He saw Harry looking carefully at each of them.

_Stupid boy, _he thought. _As if they will be wearing signs that say 'I wuv Snape and want to give him hugsies.'_

_Actually, Granger might make badges. _

Before anything else could happen, though, the door to the classroom creaked open. Snape popped his head out and looked up and down the line of students. His eyes briefly alighted on Neville, who was blushing beet red.

Draco fancied that he saw the older man flush slightly, but he may have been imagining it. Nobody had ever seen Snape blush before.

The class quickly filed into the room. Surprisingly (or not, depending on who you were), three Gryffindors immediately abandoned their usual seats towards the back of the class in favour of the front benches.

Harry turned around briefly to glare at Draco, then took a seat next to Ron, Hermione and Neville right at the front of the class.

Snape stood silently at the front of the class, waiting for everyone to be quiet so that he could begin the lesson. He said a few quick words about the potion they were to be making, spelled some instructions on the blackboard, then span around with a glare.

"Why are you not making your potions?"

The class stood staring at him in shock. They had, of course, not even had time to read the instructions on the board.

"You're still not doing anything! Start working!" bellowed Snape, almost shaking in anger.

As Harry noted that the teacher seemed even more irritable than normal, he heard Ron whisper to Hermione:

"He looks so sexy when he's angry."

The darker boy turned to see Hermione's reaction to this. After all, she was Ron's girlfriend. She ought to be angry.

Hermione however was not angry; she was actually nodding in agreement.

"He's so exciting… so unpredictable," she replied eagerly.

_Oh yes, very unpredictable. Will he assign detention, deduct house points, scream threats at us, or a mixture of all three?_

As Harry watched Hermione wander off to collect the ingredients to the potion, he could have sworn that he saw her (attempt to) smile seductively at Snape.

Snape swooped around the room in his usual manner as they began to complete their potions. He eventually arrived at the Gryffindor's bench.

Snape's lip curled as he looked at the rather bizarre potions that had been created.

Neville, who was not good at potions at the best of times, had been so utterly distracted by the presence of his new love that his handiwork, far from being a pale yellow, was a thick green sludge. Snape snorted derisively, and carried on.

Harry, who had not actually been looking at what he had been throwing into his potion, had needed to step away from his cauldron; the smell being emitted from it was too unpleasant to bear. But it was not_ his_ fault that he had been a bit distracted by his friends' theories about what their teacher wore under his robes, if he had black silk sheets, what his opinions concerning student-teacher relationships were…

Ron and Hermione's potions had not fared any better. Ron, blushing as red as his potion, was muttering disjointed excuses.

"Sorry professor… you're too distracting… no not you, I mean… sorry professor…"

Hermione, however, had a much more direct approach.

"Professor," she said slyly, "I'm very sorry about messing up the potion. I would love to improve, though. Do you think that you would be able to give me a private… _study _session?"

Snape froze. He glanced nervously at Hermione, who fluttered her eyelashes in response. He looked to Ron, who gave him a shy smile. He averted his eyes towards Neville, who flushed at the attention. As a last resort, Snape glared at Harry, who was looking despairingly at his friends.

"Potter!" he barked. "I don't know what you've done, but this is all your fault! Detention! Class is dismissed, now get out!"

As the stunned students packed up as quickly as humanly possible and scurried out of the classroom, Ron and Hermione rounded on Harry.

"How the hell did you manage that?" asked Ron angrily.

"You _know _we like Snape, and yet you still go and get detention with him! We thought you were our friend!" added Hermione.

"Hey, what's with this?" asked Harry. "I thought you two only had eyes for each other?"

"Nah," said Ron cheerfully. "We had a chat this morning, and decided it wasn't meant to be."

"Please tell me," plead Harry, "that you have not ruined your wonderful, _perfect _relationship for Snape."

Ron and Hermione looked shifty.

"Honestly, you two!" cried Harry. "You _know _that you can't get teachers! He's out of reach. And I didn't even know you liked boys, Ron!"

"I don't," said Ron, looking dreamy. "Just him."

"B-"

"What are you three still doing here?" snarled Snape, who had come up behind them. "Shouldn't you be out somewhere spreading love and puppies?"

There was a brief silence, and then the man growled and stalked quickly away.

"I'm in love," whispered Hermione, staring after him.

"No!" yelled Harry. "No, you're not! You're under a love spell! You _hate _Snape!"

"Don't be stupid," replied Hermione briskly, her demeanour changing speedily. "What a mad idea. Anyway, I need to go study… or something. Coming, Ron?"

"Are we going to be 'studying' or 'something'?" asked Ron.

Hermione smiled. "Something," she replied.

"Oh goody."

With that, Harry's best friends wandered away. He sighed, realizing that for the first time that 'something' did not mean 'snogging in an empty classroom,' and that the change was not as great as he had imagined.

_Still, _he thought to himself, _they don't appear to be doing anything harmful. And I tried to warn them. Sort of. And Draco did say that it would wear off sometime today…_

* * *

Fortunately for Harry, aside from a little giggling and rather pathetic attempts to catch the attention of their beloved teacher, Ron, Hermione and Neville did not cause any trouble.

Granted, there had been a little incident in which Hermione had attempted to show Snape some leg and ended up nearly tripping over herself. And then there was when Neville had fallen _up _the stairs watching the man walking down a corridor. Not forgetting Ron's 'coming across' a bunch of flowers and 'just happening to' thrust them at Snape.

Still, it could have been worse, Harry decided as he settled down to go to sleep. And in the morning, everything would be back to normal. Well, as normal as it could be.

* * *

Harry woke very early the next morning for no apparent reason. He got dressed quietly, and made his way down into the common room to start doing his leftover homework. He was half way through his herbology essay when a shadow fell over his work.

Harry looked up to see Ron and Hermione looming angrily over him.

"Harry," growled Ron. "I think you have some explaining to do."

* * *

Random thing to point out: If you go to my profile, you will find links to some amazing artwork! It's _really _worth looking at!

More hugs to all my wonderful reviewers! You guys are the best! (And I know I always say this, but you really are. ) Cookies go to people that leave nice long reviews for this chapter!


	12. Little Green Men?

_Thanks to my lovely beta, Caitlin, and to Kurla for inspiring one of the ideas in this chapter._

* * *

**Chapter Twelve- Little Green Men?**

"Harry," growled Ron. "I think you have some explaining to do."

"I…" Harry squeaked. "I do?"

"Yes!" shrieked Hermione in reply. "We spent a day being utterly humiliated, and you somehow managed to get out of it scott free!"

"I got detention with Snape," muttered Harry. "As far as I can recall, you were rather jealous."

"Not helping here, Harry."

"Hey, that's not _my _fault," Harry protested. "I did try to persuade you guys. Repeatedly. But it was it was all, 'No, Harry, we've always loved Severus' and, 'I think you're just jealous that we've found the love of our lives and _you _haven't.' What was I supposed to do?"

"Suffer and be humiliated along with us!"

"What!"

"If we're going to be embarrassed, you'd better be right there getting your reputation destroyed too!"

Harry looked in shock and horror at his two best friends.

"You're meant to be Gryffindors!" he cried. "You're supposed to be saying 'Hey, I know we had a bad time but at least our friend got out of it… and now we can _all _have revenge on that git, Draco!'"

"What does Draco have to do with any of this?" asked Ron petulantly.

"Let me think," said Harry sarcastically. "How about _he's the one that gave you the bloody potion!_"

"Oh, yeah. That figures."

"What, you thought that it was _me_ who slipped you the potion?"

Hermione looked uncomfortable. "Well, you have been acting a bit strange recently…"

"And so I also decided to give Neville the potion too, just for the hell of it? It never dawned on you that his dose was actually meant for me?"

"Y'know," Ron scratched his head, "I never thought about it like that."

"Sorry, Harry," muttered Hermione.

Harry took a moment to calm himself, then grinned. "That's alright. You two are together again, and I expect that now we also have Neville on our side... What is it now?"

"We're not actually, uh, together again," said Ron.

"_What?_"

"We decided that it wasn't really working."

"But you two have been _breathing_ each other for the last few months! You're infatuated with one another! How can your relationship not be 'working'?"

"Our obsession with Snape made us see that we needed more than security to make our relationship work. We need something more… exciting," replied Hermione.

"B-b-b-"

"The teenage mind is fickle and prone to change," added Ron wisely. Then he looked at Harry's stunned expression. "What?"

"'The teenage mind is fickle and prone to change'?" Harry mimicked, waggling his eyebrows.

Ron blushed. "Hermione told me to say it. She said it would back up the argument and make me look clever."

Hermione rolled her eyes and thumped herself on the head in obvious despair.

"So that's it for the two of you?"

"Well… yes."

"Oh. Alright then." Harry paused. "So what do we do next?"

"Well I don't know about you lot, but I think we should get on with the whole revenge thing," Ron pointed out.

"Ah, yes, that. Any ideas?"

A quiet, quavering voice spoke up from behind them. "Well, er… if you don't have any, then I do. At least, I think I might."

Beaming, Hermione turned to the boy behind her. "Neville, welcome to the game!"

* * *

That evening, Neville nervously approached the Slytherin table. 

The inhabitants of the house watched him slowly draw closer, sniggering to each other and pointing at him. When he nearly tripped over his own robes upon nearing them, many of them roared nastily with laughter.

"Longbottom, what are you doing here?" Pansy asked imperiously when he reached the table and stood uncomfortably before them.

"Yesterday-" Neville started, then forgetting what he was meant to be saying in the face of his tormentors.

"Yes, yesterday," prompted Blaise. "That was Thursday. The day after Wednesday, and before Friday. And today, therefore, _is_ Friday," he finished wisely.

Neville scowled at the darker and far more confident boy, then began again in a much stronger voice. "Yesterday you lot humiliated me for no apparent reason. I think that-"

"Aww," cooed Pansy. "Look at that, he can _think_!"

Neville made a noise that may or may not have been a growl. "Just forget it!" he cried.

"Forget what?"

"Me trying to reason with you. I'm going straight on to stage two."

With that, Neville reached into his pocket and pulled out three small pods. He lifted them to his face and whispered something to them.

As the Slytherins watched in stunned silence, the pods slowly levitated above Neville's hand, humming quietly.

Before any of them had time to react, they suddenly shot towards them, forcing their way through each of the Slytherins' closed lips and eventually disappearing into their mouths.

There was a stunned silence as everyone watched the Slytherins. And then suddenly, without warning, the three youths burst into song.

"Yummy yummy yummy,

I've got love in my tummy,

And I feel like lovin' you!"

It took a few moments for the amused audience to realise that the sickly sweet voices emanating from the Slytherins were most decidedly not their own.

And a few more moments to realise that throughout the entire display, the unfortunate Slytherins had not even opened their mouths to sing.

Once the music stopped, Draco carefully stood up so that he was looking down at the now grinning Neville Longbottom.

"What did you do, Longbottom?" he growled.

"Do you like them, Malfoy? I cultivated them myself, I'm actually thinking of selling them to Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. You three are my test models," beamed the Gryffindor.

"But what _are_ they?"

"Singing plants! Quite short-lived, they only last a few days, but great fun while they do. They take root in your stomach, you see. The trick is to play them the desired tune while they're growing."

"And so…"

"I thought it was rather clever, really. The plants are the love in your tummy!" Neville giggled, obviously now in his element.

The school collectively gaped in shock and admiration. They had been expecting more fireworks from the warring seventh years, but nothing like _this_! And from such a person…

"And will they sing again?"

"Oh yes, every few minutes. Who'd want to buy a plant that only sings once?" snorted Neville.

Draco frowned, then began to reach into his pocket for his wand. As he was about to hex the pest, however, the plants began to sing again.

The Great Hall roared in laughter as the Slytherins tried to ignore the deafening chorus from their stomachs and get on with eating their dinner.

* * *

_

* * *

They had journeyed for so long. _

_Days had been spent battling through wind and rain. Nights had passed full of creatures out to get them. Every plant in their path had felt like an impassable obstacle, every hurdle a huge struggle. _

_But finally, the end was in sight. The sun rose in the sky as they flew… and then they saw them. The reasons for their journey. _

_Their purpose._

* * *

"Aargh, Harry, help! It's trying to smother me!" shrieked Ron. 

"Oh, right hang o- oomph!"

"What the hell are these things doing here?" shrieked Hermione, pulling the attackers off the boys as quickly as possible. This was not an easy job- the assailants were determined to hang on to their prizes.

"I," gasped Harry. "I don't know. Are they ours?"

Hermione squeaked as she was hit over the head by another of their attackers. She flushed as Seamus Finnigan handed her the limp form of yet another. "Yes, they're definitely ours."

"How do you know?"

Hermione held up a filthy and damp pair of green panties. "I'm certain that these are mine."

Ron frowned. "But how did they get out? And how on earth did they get _back?_"

"They're the clothes that the Slytherins banished from that awful Care of Magical Creatures lesson. Whatever Draco did must have had an effect on them," said Harry thoughtfully.

"How can you be so calm about this!" shrieked Hermione. "My lingerie is flying around the Great Hall while everyone is having breakfast!"

Harry covered his mouth so that Hermione could not see him sniggling slightly.

"Ugh, you," growled Hermione. "Well if you lot won't do anything about it then I'm going to!"

She jumped up and stalked towards the Slytherins.

Harry and Ron exchanged concerned glances, then threw their clothes onto the benches, being careful to pin them down with some plates and cutlery before they left.

They arrived at the table just in time to hear Hermione shriek in anger and cast some unknown spell at the smirking Slytherins, who promptly vanished.

There was silence.

"Hermione, what did you _do_?" asked Ron in amazement.

"Do what did she?" squeaked a voice. "This she did!"

Harry looked down to see a small creature standing up to about his waist height.

It had a mop of white-blond hair.

The darker (and now much taller) boy knelt down so that he was on eye level with the creature. He noticed that it had pale green skin, huge ears, and grey eyes poking out from under its hair.

"Draco?" he asked.

"Did you think who else?" squealed the creature, its face going blotchy red in fury.

"Oh," grinned Harry. "Wow."

He turned to look at Blaise and Pansy, who were getting to their unsteady and decidedly smaller feet beside him.

"Hermione," started Ron, who was looking very confused. "I don't understand. What did you do to them?"

Hermione smiled slyly. "Well, I was working on a spell that would make humans into House Elves. You know, so that they would know how it feels."

"As would any other normal person. And then what?"

"And then I watched Star Wars."

Harry suddenly realised what Hermione had done, and rolled onto his back nearly crying with laughter.

"Harry, mate, I still don't get it," asked Ron looking very confused.

"The only one he is not," added Blaise, causing Harry to laugh harder.

"You've all turned into some weird adaptation of Yoda!" he gasped.

Draco opened his mouth to berate Harry, but at that point, his stomach decided that it was time to burst into song once more. And, naturally, Blaise and Pansy's stomachs immediately followed suit.

Once the din had finished, and Harry was standing stably again, Draco grabbed him by the hand and attempted to drag him out of the hall.

Since, of course, Harry was now far stronger than Draco, this took a while. The process speed up significantly, however, when Draco discovered how sharp his new teeth were, and put them to use. Harry howled in pain and followed the _petite _blond from the hall.

"Potter, fair this is not!" growled Draco.

Harry looked affronted. "Draco, as you know very well, in this game all's fair."

"Cast two spells at once you have! Make my life very difficult this will!"

"My pity for you knows no bounds," said Harry sarcastically.

"Mock me you should not!"

"What are you going to do? Bite my kneecaps?"

"Take me seriously you should. Powerful wizard I am!" shouted Draco.

"Yes, Draco. I understand," said Harry carefully keeping a straight face. "The force is certainly very strong in you."

"Understand you I do not, but angry am I still!"

"Aww, poor –literally- ickle Draco."

"Last long h-"

Draco paused for a minute as his stomach burst into song again, looking utterly miserable.

Harry felt a little bad at causing the blond such utter humiliation. But on the other hand, he himself had suffered significantly over the last few days. It was Draco's turn to endure what he himself had.

"Don't feel so bad, Draco." Harry leant down to pat the boy on the head.

Draco snapped irritably at his hand.

"Hey! I was just going to say that you have at least three days until Potions class."

"Make me feel better this does not. Angry at you I still am. Unfair this is."

"There's no such thing as unfair in this game. You told me that yourself."

"Like me I thought you did," sniffled Draco. "Disfigured me you have."

Harry now remembered why he had been so annoyed earlier, and his anger returned in full force.

"Well I had thought that _you _liked _me, _but I was clearly wrong about that. If I change you back, you would just do something like that to me again."

Draco looked very offended. "Your opinion of me is that?"

"Yes. What else is there?"

Draco's face crumpled, and he took off down the corridor as fast as his tiny feet were able to carry him.

* * *

Er, comments on this chapter. Well, all I can think of is that I have been having real trouble typing the word 'Blaise'. I keep writing 'Balsie' instead, and interesting an effect as it is...

Much love to all my wonderful reviewers, and apologies to the ones I seem to make choke on their food. Heh.

_Please review! _


	13. Bite Me

The usual hugs to my wonderful beta, Caitlin!

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen- Bite Me**

Harry stomped back into the Great Hall, shoved his still struggling clothes out of his seat (they realised that their master was annoyed and huddled on the floor beneath the bench), and flung himself down beside Ron and Hermione.

Ron turned to Harry with a grin. "That was brilliant! I've got to say that while we may come up with some good ideas, in the future all we really need to do is get Hermione worked up." Ron smiled blissfully.

"Do you even know who –what?- Yoda is?" asked Harry irritably.

"No, but Dean said that he would explain it to me later. With pictures, he says. Anyway, they look funny, whether it's because they look like Yoyo or not."

Glancing over at where Blaise and Pansy had perched on the Slytherin table to continue to eat, Harry had to admit that this was true.

"You don't look so happy, though," added Ron after a moment, looking a little confused. He could not fathom why on earth Harry wasn't happy at such a wonderful time.

"Oh, no," Harry sighed. "It's nothing. Just Draco being Draco."

Ron nodded wisely and continued to tuck into his meal. Harry in turn began to slowly pick his way through his own rapidly cooling plate.

Hermione, who had watched the entire exchange, was carefully eyeing Harry out of the corner of her eye. And the famous brain of one of the most intelligent students that Hogwarts had ever seen got to work…

A couple of days later, the charm was still going strong. It was therefore very simple for Hermione to catch up with Pansy as the she scuttled down the corridor towards Transfiguration.

"Pansy!" called Hermione, running up to the shrunken Slytherin.

"Want what do you?" snapped the blonde, wrinkling her snub nose in annoyance.

"To talk to you," replied Hermione, grabbing the smaller girl by the arm. Pansy was unable to protest as she was dragged into a more private corner of the corridor that the two girls were standing in.

"About what?" asked Pansy when she had managed to wrench her arm out of the Gryffindor's grip. "Gossip? Sharing any I am certainly not! A Gryffindor you are!"

Hermione frowned at Pansy, then shook her head slightly and continued to talk. "I was just wondering-"

There was a pause as the two girls waited for Pansy's stomach to stop singing.

Hermione fought down a giggle as she restarted. "I was just wondering how Draco was at the moment."

Pansy looked at the other girl in disbelief. "Mean what do you?"

"Er…" Hermione fumbled slightly for the right words. "Well, mood-wise. Is he in a good mood, or does he seem to be brooding?"

"Very strange you are. Draco is in a good mood never."

"But is he in a particularly_ bad_ mood at the moment?"

Pansy cocked her head slightly. "Peculiar questions indeed. Why do you ask?"

Hermione stopped again. "Harry is being very irritable. He's not usually like this."

"So?"

"Do you possibly think that their bad moods might have something to do with each other?"

Pansy looked hard at Hermione. _She doesn't look like she's joking,_ she thought.

_Still…_

"Granger, what you are talking about I have no idea of. Leave me alone."

Hermione glared at Pansy in response, then turned to head away. Just as she was about to pass out of sight at the end of the corridor, she turned and called back, "I'd watch for it, if I were you. You know what I'm talking about, Pansy."

Pansy looked after Hermione for a while, thinking about what she had said. Then, shaking her head, she turned to follow her to class.

When Pansy finally arrived, squeaked apologies at the teacher who was bravely trying to hide a smile, and hoisted herself onto her bench, she found herself trying to surreptitiously watch Draco.

Said boy was currently trying to transfigure a turnip into a tortoise. This was a harder task than normal (and to be honest, Draco was not great shakes at this class even when he was in his usual condition), since his tongue kept insisting on muddling the word order about.

As Pansy turned back to her own work, she heard Draco squeak a completely twisted incantation. Suddenly, there was a loud bang and she was propelled out of her seat as the world flashed blue.

Pansy raised her head from her new Professor McGonagall mattress to see Blaise lying sprawled atop of Seamus Finnigan, and a very flustered looking Draco… straddling Harry?

She vaguely noticed the teacher carefully lifting her off her back, but was far more interested in the exchange that was taking place between the two shocked boys.

"Draco, what on earth do you think you're doing?"

"Know I do not! One moment there I was, now here I am!"

"And why," Harry yelled, "are you still here?"

"Because landed this is where I did!" protested Draco.

"Well _de-land_ yourself! You're squashing me!"

Draco blushed. "That I cannot do. My feet do not touch the ground."

Harry grabbed Draco by the shoulders and pushed. Draco thus embarked on his second flight of the hour, crashing to the floor and sliding backwards for a few metres.

Disregarding the tears of pain and humiliation springing up in Draco's eyes, Harry jumped up and began to yell at him.

"Just leave me alone! Stop touching me, I don't trust you or like you! And don't look at me like that, either! Just leave me alone, and stay the hell out of my head!"

The entire class looked at Harry in shock.

The boy blushed. "I said that last bit out loud, didn't I?" he muttered sheepishly. "Oops."

Draco was staring at Harry, a mix of emotions ranging from sorrow to horror to amusement ranging across his face. Pansy looked from one to the other, then back again very quickly. She shot a glance at Hermione, who caught her eye and raised an eyebrow.

Blaise, however, had forgotten about normal Slytherin subtleties. He jumped down from the lap of the still dazed Seamus, bounded towards Harry, and screamed the spell that they had been meant to be practicing.

And then number of things happened in very quick succession.

The first was that Harry threw himself to the side.

The second was that the spell rebounded off the desk behind him.

The third was that it hit the unsuspecting Ron on the back.

The fourth was that Ron turned into a very large purple tortoise.

The fifth, sixth, and numerous ones after that involved various people swearing at each other, so therefore the twelfth was that Professor McGonagall handed out a number of detentions.

The lucky thirteenth was the beginning of the very slow journey to the hospital wing that Harry and Hermione made with a very confused and slowly blinking tortoise.

Harry and Hermione were sitting with Ron in the hospital wing. The redhead was now in human form, but his body was still covered in purple patches- the remains of his new 'skin.'

"So can he come back with us now, Madam Pomfrey?" asked Hermione.

The woman bustled over towards them and peered at Ron. "How do you feel now, Mr Weasley?"

"Oh," started Ron, "much be-"

The boy was cut off as, for no apparent reason, there was a loud pop and he resumed tortoise form.

Madam Pomfrey frowned, hurried over to the medicine cabinet, and selected the appropriate bottle. She returned to the now rather confused animal, pried open its mouth, and slipped in a teaspoon of the mixture.

There was a loud pop, and the unhappy creature was replaced by an equally unhappy Ron.

"That," he cried, "was fou-"

There was another pop, and he was replaced once more with the tortoise.

"Hmm," said Madam Pomfrey. "I can't have given him enough."

She gave the creature another dose of two teaspoons of the potion. After yet another pop, Ron reappeared.

"It's _still_ foul! Am I done?"

"Not any more, I'm afraid," replied Madam Pomfrey briskly. "After that little incident, you're going to be staying here for a few days. Can't have you making another change in the middle of Care of Magical Creatures, can we?"

Ron paled a shade further. "No, Hagrid will want to keep me!"

Somewhere in the school, a bell rang.

"Sorry, Ron," said Hermione regretfully. "We have class now."

"We'll see you later, mate," added Harry apologetically. "Er. Thanks for taking the spell for me."

"No problem, that's what friends are for," smiled Ron moments before there was yet another pop…

Harry and Hermione arrived in Care of Magical Creatures a couple of minutes late. Hagrid gave them a sympathetic smile before continuing to lecture the class on the joys of things that crept, crawled and attacked people viciously.

They shot venomous stares at three very smug looking Slytherins, who had obviously changed back to their normal forms at long last during their brief absence.

"Anyway, as I wa' sayin'," Hagrid continued loudly in an attempt to diffuse the tension that had already begun to build, "I've got a Runespoor in this here pen. Can anyone tell me what it is?"

Hermione shot a final death glare at Blaise, and then shot her hand up.

"Yes, 'ermione?"

"A magical three headed snake. The right head is the planner, the middle head is the dreamer, and the left head is the critic. The planner decides where the Runespoor goes and what it will do next, although the dreamer's visions often lead to a Runespoor remaining stationary for days, lost in its imaginings. The critic, the fangs of which are extremely venomous, hisses continually and irritably, evaluating the efforts of the planner and the dreamer. Often, the other two heads will gang up on the critic and bite it off- two-headed Runespoors are not uncommon."

Hagrid and the rest of the class looked at Hermione in pride as per usual, and then nodded in some sort of appreciation.

"Anyway, this Runespoor's got all 'is heads, so yer in luck today!"

"So you mean," drawled Draco, "that we should all be happy because the giant snake still possesses the head with the extremely venomous fangs?"

Hagrid beamed at him. "Yeh! Great, ain't it?"

Draco raised an eyebrow and did not answer.

"Now I'm gonna get you all up in small groups so that y' don't scare it. No more 'n six per group, please. Quickly!"

Within moments, the entire class had divided itself into groups- except, predictably, for a certain few Slytherins and Gryffindors. They glared at each other, then reluctantly moved to stand in a group together.

"I'm a bit confused," started Blaise in an attempt to fill the uncomfortable silence that had fallen as they waited for their turn. "What's up with you and Potter, Draco?"

"Blaise," sighed Draco, "you may not have noticed this yet, but there's _always _something up with me and Harry."

"So why can't he 'get you out of his head'?"

"I don't know, and I don't want to!" yelled Draco.

"_I _think," smirked Pansy, "that all of this has something to do with a certain love potion. And the way that Draco managed to get the Gryffindor boys to _consume_ it."

She cast a sly glance at Harry, and noticed that his neck had gone red. Draco was staring determinedly at a nearby bush.

"Y'know," said Blaise thoughtfully, "you never did tell us how that went, Draco."

Draco scowled at him, and then stared pointedly at Hermione.

"Oh don't mind me," Hermione added brightly, "I'm just as interested as you are. I know _something _happened, but what was it?"

Harry spun around at this.

"I do not appreciate," he started icily, "people talking about me as if I wasn't there."

"Okay," grinned Hermione. "Harry, please tell your eager audience what happened. You can join in too, Draco."

Harry flushed red and opened his mouth.

"You lot, come over 'ere!" called Hagrid.

Draco sent a questioning glance at Harry, and then followed Pansy, Blaise and Hermione towards their teacher and his new 'pet'.

_I wonder, _he thought, _what Harry was going to say. I wish I knew what he was thinking. _

_Hang on…_

Draco quietly snuck up on Harry, who we staring avidly at Hagrid as the half-giant rambled on. He stood close behind him, and leant so that his lips brushed against Harry's neck.

"Regardless of what happened afterwards," he whispered, noticing the smaller boy shiver at the sensation of breath on his cheek, "you can't deny that you enjoyed that night just as much as I did."

Harry seemed determined to ignore him. With a wicked smile and a careful glance at their oblivious teacher, Draco planted a kiss just below the boy's ear.

With a muffled yell, Harry leapt forward into the enclosure. There was a startled hiss, and then a louder yelp from the raven haired boy.

Draco looked down in shock to see the head of one of the snakes being quickly pulled away from the paling Gryffindor's ankle.

"Draco…" murmured Harry, and then crumpled. Draco just about managed to catch the unconscious boy before he hit the ground.

* * *

Oooh, a cliffie, a cliffie! -giggle- Don't worry, next chapter should be out pretty soon, and it will have _artwork_! Yay!

Thanks to all of you wonderful reviewers, who continue to amaze me and make me very, very happy! -hugs-


	14. Go, Go, Gryffindor!

Thanks to Caitlin, my beta.

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen- Go, Go Gryffindor!**

"H-Harry?" Draco whispered, cradling the boy in his arms. "Wake up!" He shook him. "Why won't you wake up? Please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean… please wake up…"

Draco felt large hands prising Harry away from him, and looked up to see Hagrid looking down at him with concern.

"I'll take 'im, he'll be alrigh'."

Without waiting for a response, the half giant scooped up the unconscious youth and set off at a run towards the castle. Draco stared after him in a shocked daze.

* * *

Images swam before his eyes. A giant pair of flying underpants, a line of dancing purple tortoises, waves of snake tongues tickling his face, two wide grey eyes…

The train of pictures began to slow, and Harry eventually realised that he could open his eyes.

For some reason, there was still a giant purple tortoise in his direct line of sight. A strange brown fuzz did something to it, and it changed with a pop into a strange red fuzz.

"Harry!" shrieked the brown fuzz after a moment. "You're awake!"

"That stuff still tastes foul," complained the red fuzz.

"Stop complaining, Ron. Your best friend just came back from the brink of death and all you can do is complain about _your _medicine."

Harry contemplated the blobs for a moment, then had the bright idea of reaching for his glasses. The fuzzes morphed into Ron and Hermione, and he smiled.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Well, from what I gather, Malfoy said something to you, you jumped, and the venomous head of the Runespoor bit you."

Harry flushed, remembering now what Draco had told him.

"What then?"

"Well," said Hermione, "Malfoy caught you, then Hagrid took you off him and brought you up here. Just in time, according to Madam Pomfrey. Any later, and she may not have been able to administer the antidote in time."

Harry, however, had not been listening to very much of the explanation. "He _caught _me?"

Hermione grinned. "Yes. Draco Malfoy, your knight in shining armour."

Harry shot her a stare, nodding his head subtly towards Ron who had been far too busy picking at his purple blotches to actually listen to anything that either of them had been saying.

"Do you…?"

Hermione smirked. "Of course I know, it was obvious really."

Harry blushed again, but was really rather relieved that at least one of his friends knew and did not really appear to mind about his and Draco's rather peculiar relationship. "Oh hush, you," he smiled.

_Draco caught me…_

"Anyway," said Hermione briskly. "It's actually rather late, I think that now you're alright I'm going to go to bed."

"Do you think I can leave, too?"

"Don't be stupid. You and Ronald both need to stay here at least another night," replied Madam Pomfrey, bustling in. "Nice to see you're awake, Harry. How do you feel?"

"But my changes have all but stopped!" whined Ron.

"Yes, _all but_. I'm keeping you here until we can remove the 'but.' Harry?"

"Oh I'm okay really," grinned Harry as he watched the sulking Ron head back to bed. "G'night."

* * *

Harry woke with a start, looking around frantically for the reason why.

"Harry?" a voice whispered.

"W- who's there?" he replied warily.

Harry listened to the sound of two feet padding towards him, then heard the rasp of the curtains around his bed being pulled back.

Moonlight was reflected for a moment off of white-blond hair.

"Draco?"

Bedsprings creaked as Draco sat down next to Harry, who obligingly sat up.

"Harry, are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah," said Harry slightly uncomfortably. "I'm fine."

There was a long pause. Suddenly Draco burst out, "Harry, I'm really sorry. For everything. I never meant it to work out like this."

"I know, it's fine," said Harry comfortingly. He thought for a moment.

_Was _it fine? Could he just forgive Draco for all that he had done to him?

It did not take long for his mind to decide that in spite of everything that had happened over the last few days, weeks, years even, now that Draco was sitting here with him apologising, that actually, yes he could.

"Really, it is. I forgive you."

He heard a loud exhalation. "Really?"

Harry smiled. "Really really."

There was another (albeit slightly more comfortable) silence.

"I never wanted you to take the potion that night anyway," Draco said eventually.

"Huh?" asked Harry, completely lost.

Draco froze. _I'm trying to be honest,_ he thought to himself. _I may as well do it properly._

"I didn't want you to take the love potion."

Harry leant forward, apparently not even realising how lovely the moonlight playing on his face made him look. "Why?"

_Does Harry really not know, or does he just want me to say it out loud? Well, I suppose I probably owe it to him._

"Because, Harry," he whispered, "I don't want you to be smitten with anyone but me." And then he leant forward and captured the stunned boy's lips with his own.

_Wow. Draco is kissing me. Draco Malfoy is kissing me, and not hexing me or trying to hurt me._

_And he wants me to be _smitten _with him._

_Score!_

Draco pulled back. "Are you alright, Harry? Did I do something wrong?"

_Damn, I forgot to kiss him back. Dumbass, Harry, you are a dumbass._

Harry grinned and leant forward to kiss Draco again, wrapping his arms around him and running a tentative tongue along his lower lip.

Draco deepened the kiss in response, running his hands down Harry's back and over his chest, pushing him backwards to lie down on the bed. Harry groaned in appreciation as he felt Draco sliding a hand under his pyjama top to toy alternately with his nipples, and arched upwards into him.

Draco, being inexperienced in this area, was not quite sure what Harry was trying to tell him. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Well you have _now_! For heaven's sake carry on, Draco!"

Draco smiled and pushed Harry's top up further, planting kisses just above his navel. "You," kiss, "are," kiss, "so," kiss, "demanding," kiss, "sometimes."

He moved further upwards to suck at one of Harry's hard nipples again. "I rather like it," he added slyly. Harry just moaned in response, and arched up again to let Draco feel the sizable erection he was now sporting. Draco grinned and teasingly began to walk his fingers lower down Harry's torso…

"Oh gods, my eyes! My poor, poor eyes!"

Harry immediately jumped away from Draco to see only a fuzzy blur. He the blond off him and fumbled for his glasses, feeling Draco move to sit up beside him.

When he was able to see properly again, two very shocked blue eyes met his own.

Ron looked at Harry, then at Draco. He rolled his eyes, and sat down on the bed. Then he jumped up again, looking at the bed in horror as if wondering (or trying not to) what exactly had gone on in the place he had just been sitting. Finally, after repeating this strange little strange dance of horror, he focussed on Harry again.

"Explain."

"Well," Harry started. He was not very happy to be sitting, trying to talk to his best friend while he still had an extremely embarrassing and rather distracting situation still running wild in certain parts of his body.

_Dudley, _he thought._ Dudley in a miniskirt. Dudley in a miniskirt and stilettos. Dudley _only _in a miniskirt and stilettos. Eww… Focus, focus, Harry. _

"Um. I'm gay, for a start."

Ron snorted. "Harry, we've known that for years, ever since you wanted to start a Quidditch cheerleading squad and _lead _the damn thing." He turned to a slightly confused Draco. "It was when Umbridge banned him, I suppose he had a bit of extra energy."

"Oh." Draco sniggled. "He did?"

"Oh yes, he'd drawn costumes and everything. He showed me and Hermione the routine he worked out."

"And?" asked Draco, eyes bright.

"Well what do _you _think? Have you seen any sign of a Gryffindor cheerleading squad?" was his reply.

"No," replied Draco slightly wistfully, imagining Harry dressed up as a cheerleader. "No sign at all."

Harry looked at Draco with interest. Ron looked at Harry with horror. Draco looked at Ron with amusement. Harry looked at Draco trying to work out what was so funny. Ron glared at Draco. Draco smirked at Ron. Harry looked at Draco _and _Ron in utter confusion.

Ron decided to take control of the situation. "Anyway, Harry, continue to explain."

"Explain what?"

"Well, you know, why _Malfoy _is currently sitting on your bed?"

"Because he came to see if I was feeling better?" asked Harry cautiously.

Ron frowned. "And why would he do that?"

Harry did not notice Draco making frantic 'stop' motions beside him. Fortunately, neither did Ron. "Because he feels that it was his fault that I'm here in the first place."

Draco smacked himself on the forehead in anticipation of Ron's next question. "And why would that be?"

Harry looked helplessly at Draco, who decided that it was time for him to step in. "Weasel, I very much doubt you want me to answer that question."

"Answer the question!"

Draco smirked. "Well, a few nights ago while you were asleep, I flew up to your dormitory dressed in leather and gave Harry a good spanking. And I can reliably tell you that he enjoyed it. A lot."

Ron went green, and mumbled something along the lines of, "No, I don't really think I did want you to answer the question…"

Harry gave Draco a distressed glance, and was rewarded by having a slender arm draped possessively around his waist.

After a moment, Ron decided that he was in control of his stomach again, and fixed a surprisingly shrewd eye on the boys on the bed together. "So… are you actually together, then?"

The boys glances at one another. In unison they said slightly hesitantly, "I _think _so…" then looked at each other and smiled.

"Right," said Ron. "I'm going to need serious therapy about this later, but for now we can move on while my brain still functions. Where does this put everyone regarding the game?"

Draco smirked. "Oh I'm still playing," he replied. "I refuse to give in and lose the bounty at the end."

"You mean that you don't already have it?" questioned Harry.

"Well maybe, but think of the possibilities… Come on, it would be fun. Admit it."

Harry contemplated the situation for a moment, then nodded slowly. "Yes," he said thoughtfully. "Possibilities."

Ron was tapping his foot. "Anyone care to explain what this is that I'm hearing about a bounty?"

"Harry!" shrieked Draco gleefully. "You mean you didn't tell them about the real game?"

Harry tried to look small, and failed. "Er, no?"

"Harry…" started Ron dangerously.

"Um. You know the game we're playing with the Slytherins? And the way you and Hermione challenged Pansy and Blaise?" he stopped.

"Yes…"

"Itsactuallyakinkykindathingwhereifyouloseyougottabetheirslavesforaweek."

"What?"

"It's, uh, actually a kinky kind of thing where if you lose you have to be your opponent's slave for a week."

"_What!"_

"Sorry."

"_Sorry?_"

"Er, yeah," mumbled Harry.

Ron collapsed onto the bed opposite the one that Draco and Harry were sitting on.

"I suppose that explains the conversation Blaise and Pansy were having the other day about Hermione preferring what Blaise has."

Draco grinned widely to confirm Ron's suspicions.

"So, what are you going to do?" asked Harry.

Ron looked at Harry as if he was completely stupid. "Win, of course!"

"But I thought-"

"I'm a Gryffindor! It is my duty to not let my house down, and to make Pansy my sex slave for a week!"

"I never said anything about a sex slave," commented Harry. "Although that was the underlying concept," he added with a smirk.

"Oh. Yeah." Ron flushed. "I mean, I only want to win so that she doesn't force me into doing anything. I wouldn't actually do anything like that to her. I. Yeah…"

"Don't worry, Weasel," said Draco cheerily, "when I win, Harry and I will be up to all kinds of kinky things." He ignored Ron as the redhead began to choke on air. "You're welcome to do the same. I assure you that Pansy has a wide repertoire of interesting _talents_ that she would be very happy to share with you."

"Oh, stop it," chided Harry. "You're making him blush." He pointed to Ron, who was beet red.

"Make me." Draco raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Alright…" replied Harry, leaning towards Draco, cupping the boy's face in one hand.

"Ahem."

"Oh what is it _now_, Weasel?" asked Draco.

"What do you mean, what is it now?"

"This conversation is decidedly over," said the blond firmly. "Go to bed and leave us in peace."

"I will," said Ron. "If you do too."

"Okay."

Draco lifted the covers of Harry's bed and slipped under them, draping himself over the darker boy's chest.

"Not there, Malfoy. In your own bed. I will not have you molesting my best friend three beds down from my own. Tell him, Harry!" commanded the furiously blushing boy.

"But Ron…" whined Harry.

"Weasel…"

"Harry, he can't stay here. You two can continue this some other time, preferably without my knowledge."

"But-"

"_Harry. Now."_

Harry stared imploringly at his best friend, but the boy was obviously not going to back down.

"Fine," he spat petulantly. "Draco…"

"You're actually going to make me leave?" complained the disbelieving boy.

"I'm afraid so," sighed Harry, shooting accusing stares at Ron.

"Huh." Draco got out of bed. "See you tomorrow, Harry. Hopefully not you, Weasel."

He stalked out of the infirmary and down to the dungeons muttering about 'some people are no fun.'

* * *

Yay, people are still liking this. Despite the hideous OOCness of, well, the entire fic!

On another note, there is some amazing artwork for this chapter. It should be uploaded in a couple of hours, and I will paste working links to it and all other artwork in my profile. (Yes, I will actually make them work this time!)

Please keep reviewing!


	15. A Change in Tempo

**Chapter Fifteen- A Change of Tempo**

A beam of light shone directly into Harry's eyes, and he gave a groan as he pulled the bedcovers up over his face.

He groaned again upon discovering that the blankets in the hospital wing were the annoying thin kind that did not actually block out any light when you attempted to shield your face with them.

With what felt like a massive effort, Harry lifted his head to remove the pillow from under it, which he shoved over the top of the sheets covering his face. _Darkness at last._ He let his neck relax, and promptly bashed his head on the headboard. Hard.

He raised a hand to rub his painful head, and the pillow promptly dislodged itself from the top of his pile of covers, allowing the light to assault his eyes again.

"Ungh… oomph!" complained Harry as something heavy landed on the end of the bed and the resulting bounce from the mattress smashed his poor skull into the headboard once more.

The covers were wrenched away from his face and Harry howled in agony as his eyes were assaulted by the bright morning light.

"Who- _Ron!_" howled the Boy Who Felt Like He Was Dying, "it's the _morning_! Give me back my covers and let me die in peace."

"No rest for the wicked," replied Ron grimly, handing Harry his glasses.

Harry sighed as he put them on. "I know you're angry, but can't this wait until I'm thinking straight?"

"Harry, you're doing heavens know what with Malfoy! You clearly haven't been thinking straight –in any sense of the word- for quite a while!"

"Sorry," apologised Harry, not really sure what else to say.

"Bloody hell, is that the best you can do?"

"Um, yes. You did want to have this conversation _now_."

Harry quailed under the furious glare of his best friend. As Ron's face began to change colour, Harry sought franticly for something to calm the increasingly enraged boy down before it was too late and his remains had to be posted to the Dursleys in a matchbox. Not that it would bother them much.

'_Draco's just too hot, Ron, I couldn't help it…' No, not good. _

'_He's not so bad when you get to know him?' No, I'm not even sure if _I _believe that. _

'_It just happened?'_

"Ron…" started Harry.

"Don't 'Ron' me, you, you house traitor!"

"What?"

"Malfoy is not just _a _Slytherin, Harry. Malfoy is _the _Slytherin! And you, you just… how could you?"

Harry looked at Ron's face and was distressed to see not only anger but disappointment. And that was somehow infinitely worse.

"Ron-"

"Look, even after we all realised it wasn't going to be Ginny or any other girl at that, we all assumed you'd fine a _nice _guy to be with. Why couldn't it be someone normal, like Seamus?" Ron caught himself. "Well, maybe not like Seamus." Harry sniggered in spite of himself.

"R-"

"I'm not finished! I'm not going to stop you doing anything, mate," said Ron looking very much like he wanted to, "And I'll be here if- _when _he hurts you. If you're lucky, I won't even say 'I told you so' when he does. But please, Harry, think about it. _Malfoy._"

And Harry thought about it.

"Ron," he finally said. "I know it seems really stupid, but please give him a chance. He doesn't want to hurt me, or any of us- don't look at me like that!"

Ron snorted in disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. This whole prank thing- it's just a game, and he's playing the way anyone brought up the way he was would do. And we're giving as good as we're getting," added Harry, correctly guessing that this would make Ron feel better.

The red haired boy nodded, his chest swelling with pride. "Yeah, we really got them last time. Did you see Pansy-"

"And there's my last point," interrupted Harry. "Last night you were saying something about making Pansy your sex slave."

Ron blushed red to his roots. Which were also red. It was quite an interesting effect. "Um…"

"Not an issue, Ron. I've seen Hermione looking at Blaise, it's really nothing to be ashamed of. I mean yes, it's what they had wanted you both to do all along, but there's nothing wrong with that. We can just, I dunno…" Harry trailed off, hoping that Ron would finish his sentence.

"Start over?" prompted Ron, thinking that he had come to the conclusion of his own accord.

"Great idea! So the two of us, we're alright?"

"'Course!" cried Ron. "We always were!"

Harry smiled contentedly. "Now I suggest that we both go back to sleep. In ten minutes we'll be missing Potions, so we had better be out for the count if Madam Pomfrey comes to check on us."

"Good idea, mate. 'Night!"

Harry watched as Ron headed back to his bed and fell asleep instantly, smiling to himself at a job well done.

* * *

"Still in one piece, I see," commented Draco after making a point of looking Harry up and down.

Harry flushed. "Er, yes. Shouldn't I be? Is this another prank?" he looked wildly from side to side, then span around checking the corridor behind him. As he tried to turn back again at high speed, a flailing foot caught his robe and he felt himself toppling over.

Just as Harry gave up his fight for balance, he felt hands from behind him grasp him firmly around the waist and hold him upright until he was in control of his body again.

_Well, sort of in control, _Harry mused to himself as he felt soft lips on one of his earlobes. He gave a small leap upwards as he felt teeth tugging gently at it, "Draco!"

"What is it, Harry?" came the blond's voice from behind him. "Why so shy?"

"We're in standing in a…" Harry trailed off as Draco began to idly trace the shape of the muscles on his chest, "…corridor!"

"And?" asked Draco, apparently unable to understand why this was an issue.

"Dracooooo," cried Harry just as elegant hands slid under his shirt and found a nipple.

"Was that," queried Draco, "a 'ravish me now' kind of 'Dracooooo', or are you seriously asking me to stop?"

"I…" Harry gulped. "The first- no, second one. I think."

"You think," purred the other boy as he trailed his hands lower. "Do inform me when you're more certain."

Harry was saved from having to respond by the sound of footsteps further down the corridor. He gave a squeak of shock and jumped away from Draco, spinning to face the disappointed blond.

Draco scowled at the first year Hufflepuff (yes, _that _first year Hufflepuff), who sped up as she neared them, eventually breaking into a sprint as she headed down to the Great Hall for her lunch, shaking in utter terror.

"You know, I just remembered another reason why I didn't date Gryffindors," growled Draco. "You're all so damn uptight!"

"Uptight my arse!" cried Harry. Draco grabbed said arse in response. Harry yelped and batted his hands away.

"See?" said the exasperated youth.

"Look, we can do anything you want in private –well, possibly not _anything_, but you know what I mean. It's just that we're in the corridor! Don't you have any sense of decency?"

"Well… no. I'm a Slytherin, we get off on things like this," replied Draco frankly.

Harry blushed again.

"Am I at least allowed to kiss you before we go eat?"

Harry considered it then smiled, leaning forward to press his lips chastely to Draco's. Draco wrapped an arm around Harry's waist in response, pulling him closer as he crushed their lips together.

Yet more footsteps sounded at the end of the corridor, and Harry pulled away again.

"Oh for crying out loud!" yelled Draco. Harry looked apologetic. Draco finally sighed gustily. "Come on, let's go down to lunch."

Just outside the Great Hall, Draco stopped Harry. "Um…" he started.

"Yes?"

"If I pull a prank on you when we get into the Great Hall, are you going to hate me for it?"

Harry thought about it. "Depends what it is."

"Oh, I don't think you'll object too much," replied Draco with a smirk. "I was just warning you."

"Wh-"

"I'm hungry, let's go eat. You can go first," he added magnanimously, then threw open the doors to the hall and gave Harry a push through them.

"Dr-"

Draco took out his wand and muttered a quiet spell. There was a loud bang, a flash of light and a puff of smoke, leaving Harry thinking that it was just like a muggle 'magic trick'. Silence fell.

Harry touched his head. Everything that had been there a moment ago was still there, and there did not appear to be any new appendages.

As the doors of the Great Hall swung shut behind them, Harry felt a draft. He looked down. Then he looked up, rubbed his eyes, blinked a few times, then looked again.

_Funny, _he thought, _that's what I thought I saw the first time._

_That must mean that I really _am_ standing in the middle of the Great Hall dressed as a cheerleader. _

_I'm never going to hear the end of this._

_The outfit's kinda cool, though._

It was true- well, if you were into that kind of thing. Harry was decked out in his House colours, but certainly not in the usual format. Very short shorts, a T-shirt with the Hogwarts crest and, joy of all joys… _red and gold pom-poms!_

Harry was startled by a loud wolf-whistle from the Gryffindor table. Unsurprisingly, in was Seamus Finnigan. "Hey, Harry!" he yelled. "Looking good!"

Draco scowled at him, but the boy was completely oblivious. Harry gave his friends a wave, shaking his pom-poms enthusiastically.

"Harry…" growled Draco, "what are you doing?"

"Well you did dress me up like this, what did you expect?" grinned Harry, slightly embarrassed but extremely happy with his new outfit nonetheless.

"This, I suppose. Impressed?"

"Oh, very. I didn't know that such a spell existed!"

"Nor did I, but, well, Weasel gave me the idea and I couldn't resist having a look," Draco responded with a smile.

"Where, exactly, did you look?" queried Harry. "It's not the kind of thing you find in The Standard Book of Spells, is it?"

Draco blushed a bit. "No, you'd have to look in something along the lines of The Slytherin's Guide to _Interesting _Magic."

"_The Slytherin's Guide to _Interesting _Magic?_"

"Heh, yeah. Upside of being a Slytherin, Harry. We have all the most interesting reading material."

"I should have guessed. Anyway, I'm starving, so I'm heading off now. I'll speak to you later."

Draco nodded, and then they each made their way to their respective tables.

"Harry," sighed Hermione a minute later, "am I right in thinking that you're not particularly bothered about your attire?"

"Spot on," smiled Harry. "Pass the sausages."

Ron speared a sausage with his fork before handing the plate to Harry. "I suppose mentioning your little idea last night to Malfoy was just asking for it, really," he sighed.

"Yup."

Hermione, who had, of course, heard about everything from the boys that morning (her favourite bits were the little details that Harry was only too happy to supply- the ones that caused Ron to block his ears and hum loudly until their telling was finished), rolled her eyes.

"Oy, Harry," called Dean as he leant in to grab some baked beans (while some of the other Houses had relatively civilised tables, 'free for all' would have been a pleasant way of putting the Gryffindors' table manners), "what were you talking about with Malfoy?"

"I was telling him off for what he did to me. I mean seriously, dressing me as a cheerleader?"

"Oh. Alright then."

Hermione rolled her eyes again. On one hand, it was convenient that nobody on the table had seen through Harry's pretty pathetic excuse. On the other, it was pretty disturbing that nobody thought it at all strange that Harry and Draco had walked into the Great Hall together, and that not a single person had realised that Draco was currently aiming death glares at all the people looking at Harry and his new clothes with, well, _interest._

Then she turned to look at Blaise, who was openly staring at her. She raised an eyebrow, then turned away. If things had been interesting before, the new dynamics of the game would take it to a whole new level.

The war was on.

* * *

**PLEASE READ!**

First and foremost, I owe you all a big apology for the length of time this chapter has taken to get up. I've been unbelievably short of time, and only now have I discovered that my beta has vanished. As a result, I have posted the chapter as it was before beta-ing, so it is not up to normal standards. So I have two requests to make of you wonderful people:

1. Please bear with me even though my updates won't be as regular as they used to be. I'll do my best, but that's all I can do.

2. Keep reading and reviewing! Because it makes me happy!

Thanks!


	16. Trying Times

_Everyone say hello to my lovely new betas, Cyndi and Ravenpan! Yay!_

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen- Trying Times**

Draco scowled at Pansy and Blaise as the three Slytherins made their way down to the paddock for Care of Magical Creatures. His two friends were giggling like schoolgirls.

Well, admittedly, one of them _was _a schoolgirl, but she was also a Slytherin, and, in Draco's opinion, the two were mutually exclusive. Slytherins did not giggle, blush or… well, generally embarrass anyone except those who were not fortunate enough to be in such an esteemed House.

Pansy and Blaise were most assuredly not conforming to the aforementioned rules, (Draco had chosen to ignore his own previous discrepancies, because he was a Malfoy, and this meant that he could pick and choose what rules _he _had to follow). "Will you two please pull yourselves together?" he finally hissed, casting concerned glances around for any sniggering year mates.

"Oh shush, Draco. We're plotting," chided Pansy.

"You're _always _plotting! Just do it less annoyingly!"

"Fine, fine," said Blaise, waving his arms about as if it would help him dispel the situation. "Draco, give us a break. It will all become clear in a few minutes. Well worth the plotting, I assure you."

"It had better be," Draco huffed. "It doesn't involve me, does it?"

"Hah!" snorted Pansy. "No, this is just for us."

"Well, not exactly _just _for us. But you know the theory."

Draco raised an eyebrow, and then looked around the paddock to see which of his year mates had arrived. To make a change, the Gryffindors had actually arrived at the lesson on time. Draco was immediately put on his guard. He did, however, seek out Harry's gaze, and gave him a small smile when he thought that nobody was looking.

"Aww," cooed Pansy, who _had _been looking.

"Shut up."

Blaise, looking decidedly dodgy as he sidled over to the Gryffindors, headed straight for Hermione. Draco looked questioningly at Pansy, who smirked but said nothing, and after a moment the two friends followed.

"Hermione, you're looking positively radiant today."

The girl in question turned her head to fix the speaker with a probing stare. "What are you up to, Blaise?" she asked suspiciously.

Blaise feigned horror and clasped a hand to his heart. "Fair lady, you wound me!" he cried. "All I wanted was to say good day to the most beautiful maiden in the school."

"Maiden," Ron sniggered. "If that's what you want to think, Zabini, you are welcome to do so. But I wouldn't count on it being quite true."

As Hermione blushed crimson, Blaise's eyebrows shot a few centimetres up his forehead.

"Look, this is getting stupid," interrupted Pansy as Hermione began to try to defend herself.

"I was going to-"

"You were taking too _long_," she snapped. Pansy and Blaise shared a look, and then quickly took out their wands.

"Wha-?" asked Ron, fumbling in his pocket for his own weapon.

There was a tense moment, and then everyone seemed to speak at once. Jets of _something _flew out of Blaise and Pansy's wands. Hermione yelped and muttered a spell, and a shield grew in front of her. Ron's input was a puff of purple smoke that caused him to trip over his own feet and go flying forward. Harry cried out in shock and fell backwards onto the soft grass beneath their feet.

Everything was still.

"What," Draco hissed, "The. Fuck. Is. This?"

Pansy blinked at him. "What is what, dear?"

Draco growled and pushed Ron away from him. There was a jangling sound as the chain that had appeared between them moved.

"Ah," said Pansy slowly. "I see."

"Pansy, I don't know what this thing is, but if it is not off by the time I count to three you will soon be an ex-witch," he snarled. "One. Two. Three…"

Harry, who had jumped up a second earlier, quickly nipped in front of Draco and snatched the wand from his hand.

"Not that I wouldn't love to see Pansy hexed into oblivion, but can we return to the task in hand?" He looked at Draco's wrist. "Or rather, _on hand?"_

Harry waited expectantly for someone to laugh. Nobody did.

"Right. I see. Um. So what do we do now?" He looked at Hermione hopefully.

Hermione, however, was looking at Ron. In the silence that had fallen as everyone waited for her to speak, it was possible to hear a high pitched keening sound coming from the redhead.

"Ron," said Hermione gently, "now I know that you're attached to Malfoy, but-"

This was evidently the wrong thing to say.

Ron panicked.

"I'm attached to Malfoy!" he yelled, shaking his chained wrist frantically. "Malfoy! Near me! On a chain! Attached! Help, murder! Murder!"

"Shut _up_!" yelled Draco.

"It's started already!" screamed Ron.

Hermione stepped forward and slapped Ron, and he promptly shut up. She looked at the chain, tapped it with her wand, and muttered, "Finite Incantatem."

Nothing happened.

She tried it again. And then a variety of unlocking spells, plus a few other ones that nobody else recognised. Still nothing.

A frightening look appeared in Hermione's eyes. "Ron, Malfoy, you might want to close your eyes."

Ron immediately went death white and squeezed his eyes shut.

Draco went a pale pink, and opened his mouth to ask what on earth she was planning, but was cut short when the girl murmured a spell and a jet of fire shot out of the end of her wand.

"Clever," commented Harry. "You've turned your wand into a blowtorch."

Ron whimpered. Draco closed his eyes.

Hermione directed the flame at the middle of the chain, which began to glow red. The glow slowly spread up the chain, until Draco snapped, "I don't know what you're doing, Granger, but it's incinerating my hand. Stop it!"

Hermione, however, did not stop. She did not even appear to hear. Harry took pity on Ron and Draco, and cast a cooling charm on the cuffs around their wrists.

Just as Blaise had mustered the courage to open his mouth, and so was only a few minutes away from suggesting that Hermione stopped, there was a clinking noise and the chain snapped in half. Ron raised his arm to look at the remaining links still attached to it. As he moved, the metal disintegrated, and the redhead gave a sigh of relief.

"Well," said Pansy happily. "That wasn't so bad."

Draco and Ron turned to give her matching death glares, which only resulted in the blond bursting into uncontrollable giggles.

"Sadistic cow," Draco muttered to himself, but Pansy chose to ignore him.

* * *

"I cannot believe that you flew up here," gasped Harry.

Draco sniggered. "I'm just full of surprises. Aren't you happy to see me?" He grinned down at Harry, who was currently pinned under him on his bed in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory. Harry had never seen him coming.

"I've never been a huge fan of surprises," said Harry. "They never turn out to be very nice."

Draco gasped in shock. "Don't you like me?"

Harry grinned, then wrapped him arms around Draco and rolled over so that he was straddling him. "Oh, I certainly like you," he whispered huskily, rolling his hips. Draco made a small noise in the back of his throat and pulled Harry's head down to kiss him hungrily, sliding one hand under his shirt and up his back.

Harry shivered when he felt Draco's cool fingers on his back, and began to kiss a line along his jaw and down his neck, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. He swirled his tongue in the hollow of the other boy's collarbone, enjoying the way that it made him gasp and arch his back, and felt something hard pressing into his groin.

"Harry…"

"Shh," Harry whispered, trailing his tongue down Draco's stomach. He was playing with the button on the blond's trousers when there was a loud hammering on the door.

"Harry, what the hell are you doing in there? Why is the door locked?"

"Bloody Weasel," Draco muttered as Harry rolled off him, and although he said nothing, Harry was tempted to agree.

"Harry!" Ron yelled, "Open the door! You're not in there with someone are-"

There was silence from the other side of the door as Ron thought for a moment. Then:

"Malfoy!" Ron howled, "Get _out _of my dorm and stop molesting my best friend!"

Draco, who had just finished buttoning up his shirt again and was in the process of getting up off the bed, collapsed back onto it, wracked with silent laughter.

"If you're not out in ten seconds, Malfoy," Ron warned, "I will come in and cause pain. And I'm being very lenient here."

"He always ruins our fun," pouted Draco. "I suppose you're going to make me leave again, aren't you?"

"Eight…"

"Sorry," said Harry, looking very apologetic.

"Six… five…"

Draco stalked to the window and picked up his broom. "Bye," he muttered.

"See you tomorrow?"

"Two…"

"Wouldn't miss it."

Draco grinned, waited for Ron to mutter the unlocking spell and burst red-faced into the room, then gave him a jaunty wave and flew out of the window.

Once Ron had finished swearing profusely at the space where Draco had previously been standing, he turned to look at his best friend. He took in the state of his clothes, his mussed up hair, and the rumpled bed-covers behind him.

"Harry…" Ron started, turning faintly green.

"Yes?" Harry replied innocently.

Ron sighed. "Never mind. I'm going to go to bed."

"Sure you don't want to know-"

"No! I'm _going _to _bed_."

Harry laughed. "Goodnight, Ron."

"'Night."

* * *

"Draco," smirked Pansy. "Back so late?"

The boy in question scowled at her. "Not as late as I could have been."

Pansy's eyebrows shot up. "Really? Do tell."

"There is nothing _to _tell," he growled. "Your soon to be pet Weasel made sure of that."

"Made sure of what?" asked Blaise, approaching his friends.

"Ron interrupted Draco when he was trying to get cosy with Potter," Pansy giggled.

Blaise snorted with laughter and collapsed into an armchair by the fire. "Ron? You say his name almost… nicely."

"Don't let it fool you," said Pansy happily. "Nice isn't really the word. The word is-"

"I don't want to know!" yelled Draco. "Please, please, spare me!"

"Well, since you begged. You don't do that often."

"Bet Potter knows how to make him beg," commented Blaise, who then ducked when Draco hurled a cushion at him.

"I hate the way that you two twist every little thing I say."

"But if we didn't, then wouldn't we be boring?" Pansy said sweetly.

"If you don't want people who answer back, then Crabbe and Goyle are over there," Blaise added, gesturing towards the corner. The two hulks were currently trying to play chess without any pawns or kings.

"Point taken. But it doesn't mean I like it."

"Draco, you very rarely like anything."

"Nothing wrong with having high standards," Draco sniffed.

"You just came back from an almost-tryst with Harry Potter. A Gryffindor. With messy hair. And you say you have high standards."

"He's, uh," Draco searched for a word. He dismissed 'cute', 'hot', 'nice' and 'Harry' in favour of, "a celebrity."

"So is Lockhart."

"Pansy, if I remember correctly, you were quite taken with Lockhart in second year," Blaise said, grinning.

"Yeah, well, that was the year I was also 'quite taken' with you, Draco and Snape. At least my taste has improved."

Draco howled with laughter. "Weasel!" he choked.

"Well, if the Dark Lord hadn't killed himself, then he would have been a war hero," said Pansy, trying to defend herself.

"Rubbish excuse."

"Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer."

"I asked a question?"

Pansy thought for a moment. "You must have. I sort of lost track of where we were, though."

"So did I," admitted Draco. "Blaise?"

"You just went from one idiotic point to the next. I stopped listening."

Draco sat and looked into the fire for a minute or two. It was exceptionally boring. He excused himself not long afterwards and retired to bed.

* * *

Hello! Really sorry about the long delay, I did say that I was busy...

Anyhoo. Thanks so much to everyone who volunteered to beta, your support really means a lot. To whoever asked if I was a Brit- yup, I am, loving the rain. Er, all I have left to say is please continue to be patient with me. I'm going away for a month (July), so if you don't see a chapter before then, then it won't be ready until August. Please keep reviewing!


	17. Note

"So, Harry," Draco said, scowling. "What exactly are we doing here?"

"Well, the author wanted to say something, but she realised that in order to stop us getting deleted, she needed to add on some story here," Harry replied, then returned his attention to his ice cream.

"And we are in an ice-cream shop because...?"

"The author likes ice-cream. So do I," Harry added, then proudly stuck his tongue out at Draco. "Does this flavour really make my tongue flash in different colours?" he asked excitedly.

Draco looked at Harry's tongue, which was rapidly changing colour as he watched. "Yes. And I'm not kissing you until it's back to normal."

Harry pouted. "But why?" he whined.

"Because it could make my tongue do it, too, and that would look stupid."

"Are you saying I look stupid?" Harry asked, his bottom lip trembling.

"Yes. No. Er," Draco said quickly, trying to work out what would effectively stop his path towards an untimely demise.

"You are," Harry accused. "And you know what that means."

"No, what does it mean?"

Harry carefully put his precious ice-cream down on the table, then leapt at Draco, covering his face and mouth with kisses. Draco growled and tried to push him away, but eventually gave in and kissed him back.

Eventually, Harry pulled away and sat back on his seat, carefully eating his ice-cream and avoiding looking at Draco. After a few minutes, Draco noticed that Harry was trying not to laugh.

"Harry, what is it?" he asked.

Harry looked at him, then quickly shoved a large amount of ice-cream into his mouth. "Can't talk, mouth full," he mumbled around it.

Draco waited not-very-patiently until Harry had finished. "What is it?" he repeated, then grabbed the ice-cream out of Harry's hand as the other boy went to put some more in his mouth. "Harry…" he said dangerously.

Harry went bright red. "Um. Your whole face. It's flashing in different colours," he said quickly, then jumped up and legged it out of the ice-cream parlour. Draco gave a howl of fury and followed. The shop owner decided that it was probably not worth chasing after them for pay.

* * *

Hi! 

Right, um, I feel terrible about this, but All's Fair is going to have to go on hiatus for a while. I have every intention of finishing it at some point, but unfortunately it's going to have to wait. The problem is that I can't seem to work up the enthusiasm that I used to have for this fic, which is making it close to impossible to write, and all of my attempts are turning out terrible.

I will finish it at some point, I promise. I just need to give myself and my muse a break from it so that I can come back and love writing it like I used to. Thanks so much to all of you for being so supportive of me all through this fic, I love you all to bits.

Bye for now!

Sputzo


	18. At the Table

_Yo. Long time no see! _

---

"So what are we doing?" Ron asked as the trio made their way down to the Great Hall.

"Don't know yet," Harry replied. "I was thinking that we could wing it."

"That only works when battling evil and saving the world," Hermione commented. "Simple matters like this require a new, complicated plot that could go wrong in any number of ridiculous but amusing ways."

"What?"

"We're not going to wing it," Hermione clarified.

Harry sniffed. "Fine," he said, feeling slightly put out, "you think of a plan, then."

"Something along the lines of clothes would be good," Hermione murmured thoughtfully. "As in removing them."

A slow smile crept across Ron's face. "Yes," he added eagerly, "all of them, and we could let everyone see. But especially me. Only Pansy. Not Blaise. I mean, I wouldn't see Blaise, although I expect that he'd be naked. Not that I want him to be naked, but I expect Hermione does. But she doesn't want to see Pansy, so-"

"No," Harry interrupted abruptly. When his friends looked at him questioningly, he elaborated. "Nobody is seeing Draco naked but me. Plus, they did a similar thing to us already, and we need to keep being original. And I expect that pretty much everyone has seen Blaise or Pansy naked at some point anyway," he finished, smirking.

"Are you saying Pansy is, that's she's _loose_?" Ron cried, looking shocked.

Hermione snorted. "Of course he is," she retorted, sounding matter-of-fact. "As is Blaise, I guess," she admitted.

Ron looked stunned. "I can't believe-"

"Oh come on, you're not _that _ignorant. You know their reputations just as well as we do."

Ron continued to look righteously outraged until he realised that, in truth, he did know what Pansy and Blaise were like. However, the fact remained that in Pansy's case at least he no longer cared.

"So, back to the main point," he said hurriedly, "what are we going to do?"

Harry thought for a few more moments, then smiled at his friends. "You're not going to do anything," he replied slowly. "I have a plan."

---

When the trio walked into the Great Hall and headed straight over to the Slytherin table, everyone stared, expecting a show.

When the trio stopped just opposite their chosen competitors, nobody was shocked, but they continued to stare anyway, hoping for fireworks, nudity, or something equally amusing.

When Hermione delivered a swift kick to the ankles of the unfortunate Slytherins sitting in front of her, everyone was more than a little surprised.

When the Slytherins in front of the trio shifted quickly out of their way, everyone was _much _more than a little surprised.

When the trio sat down, the hall fell silent, and the sound of indrawn breaths could be heard and everyone steeled themselves for the inevitable explosion.

And when, five minutes later, it was clear that the three Gryffindors were not going to blow anything up, and had in fact tucked into their breakfasts, everyone got bored and went back to whatever it was that they had been doing before.

---

"I don't mean to sound rude," Blaise started good-naturedly a few minutes later, "but what the hell are you doing here?"

Ron and Hermione stared at Harry, who grinned at them. "Are we not allowed to enjoy your glorious company?" the dark haired boy asked cheekily, batting his eyelashes.

Pansy smiled sweetly back at him. "Of course you can," she simpered, "Blaise here is simply not a morning person. If he had been thinking straight he would _never_ have been so rude as to enquire why you lovely, lovely people have graced us with your presence." She gave meaningful looks to Blaise and Draco, then helped herself to more food.

"Oh yes," muttered Blaise, clearly catching on but not appearing to amused at the suggestion that he was not a morning person. Anyone looking at him closely might have caught sight of him checking his reflection in a teapot a few moments later, just in case any signs of not being adapted to the morning could be found about his face, hair or attire.

Harry turned to his friends again, who looked blankly back at him. "You know, I think they get nicer food than we do. Their sausages seem to be much bigger than ours," he commented loudly.

Ron choked on a mouthful of scrambled eggs as the Slytherins around them began to snicker.

Blaise looked slyly at Draco. "So tell me, Draco, is it true?"

"What?" Draco squeaked, taken completely by surprise.

"Out of all of us, you should know," Pansy said, a wicked gleam in her eyes as she glanced back at Harry. "Most of us only know one side of the story."

"I, I," Draco stuttered, then looked down in shock. There, resting not-so-innocently on his groin, was Harry's foot.

"Do tell, Draco," Harry asked, smiling as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth as his toes curled and he began to move his foot up and down. "We're all very interested."

Draco gasped, sliding further under the table in an attempt to hide Harry's foot and the rather obvious effects that its presence was having on appendages which should not really be taken out at a communal breakfast.

"Anybody home?" Blaise called a few moments later, when Draco had still not responded.

"I don't know, I mean, yes, uh, maybe, what was the question?" Draco gabbled hurriedly.

Pansy looked hard at him for a moment. "Are you alright?" she asked slowly.

Draco nodded vigorously, biting his lip. Pansy looked quickly between him and Harry, the latter of whom was smiling widely and seemed to be moving the right hand side of his body slightly, as if he was doing something with his leg.

"I don't think they are, you know," Hermione interrupted, and Pansy appeared to jerk out of her train of thought.

"And how exactly do you know?" she queried, raising and eyebrow at the brunette.

Hermione blushed. "I was trying to steer the conversation from sausages to, er, sausages," she attempted to explain. Reaching forward, she selected a sausage from the place. "As in the type you can eat," she continued, waving her chosen sausage in the air. Intercepting Blaise's response, she corrected herself: "At the table. With other people present. _Normal _people. Damn it, I know you're twisting everything I say!" she cried. "I can't win."

"No," Blaise replied, leering at her. "Is that an official surrender?"

Hermione glared at him. "No, not in any shape or form," she snapped. To make a point, she raised the sausage to her mouth, smiled sweetly at Blaise, and then bit the tip of the sausage off with a rather sadistic expression on her face. Blaise winced.

As the banter continued between the Gryffindors and Slytherins, a certain Draco Malfoy had become very aware that his trousers had just come undone. He gripped the side of the table hard, concentrating as much as he could on keeping his breathing quiet and even, and holding in any unsuitable noises. How on earth was Harry managing to do _that _with his feet? It should not have been humanly possible, really, but this did not appear to be making much of a difference. And unless Draco managed to put Harry off soon (not that he wanted to), he was going to end up in a rather sticky situation. Literally.

But just as Draco was about to conclude that his reputation could go fuck itself, because he was going to come at breakfast in the Great Hall with students happily munching away all around him and he did not care any more, Harry stopped.

"What?" Draco whispered.

Blaise glared at him. "What do you mean, 'what'?" he snapped. "I promise you that my sausage is far bigger than Ron's!"

Draco looked blankly at him, realising that he had no idea what they were talking about, and that they had no idea what _he _was talking about.

"How would you know that?" Harry asked. Apparently, he had somehow managed to keep up with conversation even as he was torturing Draco.

Draco looked at him helplessly, and Harry winked back. "Well," the Gryffindor continued, "That was delicious. I appreciated the company more than you could even know." He stood up. "Anyway, Potions calls, and I couldn't possibly disappoint Snape. That guy loves me. Coming?" he added, looking at Ron and Hermione.

Draco was left staring at Harry and his friends in disbelief as they hurried out of the hall.

---

"I didn't see any plan," Hermione accused as soon as they had left the hall.

"Oh," Harry said carelessly, "there wasn't one." Although this was not strictly true, of course, there are some things that he was not prepared to tell even his best friends.

"So why did we go and sit with them?" Ron asked, sounding confused.

"Because they will have thought that there was a plan," Harry explained simply. "They'll be going mad in there trying to work out what we did."

---

"How the hell did you do that?" Draco snarled, backing Harry up against the wall.

Harry grinned at Draco, aware that the other boy had followed him about all day in order to catch him alone. "Do what?"

"You know," Draco hissed.

Harry continued to smile. "Did you like it?"

Draco hesitated. "Yeah," he admitted. "But how did you do it?"

"I looked up a spell that let me use my toes just as well as my hands. Comes in rather handy," he said, waiting for Draco to laugh at the pun.

Draco simply glared at him.

"I thought you didn't like doing stuff in public!" the blond accused.

"I don't," Harry replied. "But nobody saw. You did a very good job, by the way, although I was hoping that you would squeak or something. It's cute when you do that."

Draco glowered at him for a few moments more, wanting to stay angry at Harry, but also wanting to kiss the living daylights out of the boy in front of him. It was a tough decision.

"You are _unbearable_," he finally stated.

"And you like it," Harry agreed, continuing to smile as he leaned in for a kiss.

---

---

_-cowers- Now at this moment in time, I will not be surprised or upset if you come running at me with pitchforks. I haven't updated in almost a year, and I am really, really sorry. And before you get your hopes up (if you still have them), for all I know it might be that length of time again before my next update, although I hope it won't be. I am really struggling to find the time, the inclination, and the situations in which they coincide. Still, I hope you thought that chapter was OK. -grovels-_

_Thanks so, so much for being so good about the long gap. I've still been reading all the reviews you guys have sent me, and they continue to make me happy like a happy, happy thing. _

_So. Yeah. Much love to you all, hopefully I will update again relatively soon!_


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